Stephanie Yeboah, like most of us, has had a whirlwind of a year. She moved into a new apartment (cue Ari Lennoxโs hit), indulged in self-care practices like playing Zelda: Breath of The Wild on the Nintendo Switch & practicing yoga with the help of Jessamyn Stanley , broke her ankle while traveling, and wrote this masterpiece entitled Fattily Ever After: A Fat, Black Girlโs Guide to Living Life.
Early on, Yeboah knew she didnโt want this book to be just a memoir, a glow-up guide or a โtips and trickโ tell-all. Instead, she combined all of those elements to create a historical, colorful, and intentional read with the facts, figures, and receipts to match.ย
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Yeboah stated, in an exclusive interview with The Curvy Fashionista, โI went into it knowing that I wanted each chapter to be a mixture of predominantly theory [while incorporating]ย elements of my life to provide context for what I was talking about, and in the third part of the chapter, I would do the fun, proactive things that people could do in order to help them on their way.โ
She also included interviews with some of our favorite plus size women because she said, โI really wanted it to be like a treasure trove of information and experiences that people I think can relate to.โ
Diving into the author route for Stephanie, as opposed to being a blogger, social media influencer, and plus size advocate, racked her nerves indefinitely.ย However, it was the learning curve and her embodying โthe confidence of a mediocre cis-white manโ that pushed her through.
I want to disrupt the status quo. Stephanie Yeboah
With the plus industry being โtaken over by slim white women,โ she wanted to have something that was for us.
She eloquently stated, โWhen we say the body positivity movement was started in part by plus size Black women, youโll have the Karens and the Beckys saying stuff like, โOh, but whereโs the proof,โ and โItโs for everyone,โ etc. I was like, โNo, no, no. I actually have the receipts here.โ I feel like itโs important that these things are shared.
And when it comes to historical stuff, itโs so important for context because Black bodies and Black fat bodies have been dehumanized and treated like trash for centuries. And weโre still feeling the ramifications of the way in which our bodies were treated because of our skin color.
The book I think will be read by a lot of people who arenโt in our demographic who want to learn more about what we go through. Itโs also a little bit of a history lesson for those who donโt look like us, basically.โ
Being second-generation West African and growing up in a very traditional/conservative family, it was deemed unsuccessful to follow the creative route of being a designer and creator.
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Stephanie reflected, โIโve always had a huge love of fashion and I would actually use my pocket money to buy copies of Vogue and Elle. I just loved the camaraderie and the drama of fashion, but deep down, I always just assumed that I would never have that kind of access to these fashions. My parents push us to do academic subjectsโ law, finance, medicine, businessโ and because I was very quiet, meek, mild and pliable, I just went along with what they said.โ
Through this resentment for academics, Nerd About Town, Stephanieโs creative outlet, was born. She felt she didnโt have the personality for law or the look for fashion school. So, Stephanie became content with working her administrative job and living with her then-boyfriend.
That was until she hit rock bottom in 2017.
Up Close And Personal With Stephanie Yeboah
Throughout this conversation, which felt like we were simply old girlfriends, catching up on whatโs happening, we discussed the resurgence of 90โs sitcoms on Netflix, including which one impacted her the most, the woes of dating including fetishizing of it all, what she feels is her lifeโs purpose and the meaning of fattily ever after.
The Curvy Fashionista: So 2017โฆ
Stephanie Yeboah: I always credit 2017 as the turning point for me because it was probably the worst year of my life. A relationship ended that I didnโt want to end. In the same week, I lost the apartment that we were living in and I lost my job.
So, I slipped back into depression very quickly, and moved back home with my mom while I tried to sort myself out. It was at that point that I went onto welfare for a bit while I was looking for a new job. All of the money that I was getting I used it on photo shoots because I wanted to keep my blog running. It was the one thing that kept me going in that year of hell.ย
If it was still a case of me being with my ex, I donโt think I would be where I would be because, with him, I was very comfortable. I was just like, oh, Iโve got my man and donโt really need anything else. Then he went and then I was like, okay, so Iโve lost everything. Iโm just going to go back to working on my blog.
And now, itโs gotten to a point where Iโm here and Iโm actually living the life that he wanted because he always wanted to be a journalist and an author.
Not to be spiteful butโฆ *laughs*
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TCF: I first discovered you because your tweet had gone viral about the $300 dare date situation. And since that, Iโm not sure how long ago that was, but how has dating been like for you?
SY: It is exactly the same, girl. The only difference now is that I tend to get recognized a bit more on dating apps. So, somebody will screenshot a fashion post or an article that Iโve written and theyโll be like, โOh, is this you?โ And Iโm like, โYes, it is me.โ
Then, they unmatch me.
Weird, I know.
Itโs quite depressing at times because as much as you have people around you saying, โOh, Steph, youโll find someone,โ and people trying to hype you up. I know that I can believe two things at once. Iโm a great person with a lot to offer, but equally, I can also acknowledge that the way I look is a look that not a lot of men tend to like.
The vast amount of interaction that I get when it comes to online dating because in real life, Iโm never approached and I canโt approach somebody. Online, itโs very much a case of being fetishized a lot.
They assume that you are dominant, and sassy, and hypersexual, because of the weight. Itโs almost like youโre reduced to a pornographic categoryโ the BBWs. And I feel like thereโs nothing wrong with that. If these kinds of fetishes empower you and make you confident, thatโs amazing.
For me, thereโs the dehumanization aspect that I donโt like. Iโve never been approached by a Black guy and sometimes itโs difficult to have these conversations because I think when youโre a Black woman that tends to get attention mostly by white men, the community is very quick to call you a traitor.
And itโs just like, I literally donโt have a choice in it.
I donโt have a preference and as long as youโre taller than me and have a beard, thatโs it. I donโt care about weight. It just seems to be the case that itโs mostly white men that approach me.
As much as I would love to date, itโs just not happening.
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TCF: With the whole resurgence of The Parkers, Moesha, all these โ90s sitcoms coming back to Netflix, how do you feel about all that fatphobia that was so present back then? How did you feel about it when you were growing up if you watched the show versus now?ย
SY: Iโm not going to lie, I didnโt really watch Moesha as much, because her character annoyed me so much. I just found her so unbearable. Countess Vaughn carried that show on her back.
TCF: Yes she did.
SY: I would literally just watch it because of her. As soon as The Parkers came out, I started watching it. Do you know what the funny thing is that Countess wasnโtโฆ I wouldnโt have called her fat. She was thick. She was curvy, an acceptable curvy. So, seeing some of the episodes on YouTube, it was actually really disappointing.
I feel like, when we talk about body positivity, I remember one of the comments that I would frequently get by white women was โBlack women donโt need body positivity as much as white women because your men like you. Being bigger is seen as sexy, and you guys donโt subscribe to the standard of beauty or whatever.โ
Iโm just like, first of all, fatphobia and misogyny are rife in the black community.
Yes, being thick is probably seen as more attractive, but itโs the type of thick. Itโs the Nicki Minaj-Megan Thee Stallion thick.
Itโs not the Gabourey Sidibes.
There are still those standards of beauty that black women feel like we have to adhere to in order to be seen as desirable in our own communities. Just the fact that they used to have such rife fatphobia on the show, it made me feel growing up, that I must be this huge beast.
If theyโre saying all of this about Countess who was a US size, what, 10 to 12 or 14 at the very most, then how would people react to me?
When she started The Parkers, that was where I found one of my biggest sort of idols/inspirations in MoโNique. MoโNique was and still is confident. She never let her weight hold her back.
Any time somebody made a fatphobic comment on the show, she would retort back. She was everything that I actually wanted to be as a plus sized woman growing up. In the UK, we donโt have any sort of Black plus sized prominent people on TV, so when I was a teenager, I used to religiously watch The Parkers because of MoโNique and Countess.ย
They were just so unapologetic and free.
They took up space, and didnโt allow their weight to hold them back from anything.
I remember seeing episodes of The Parkers where MoโNique was a cheerleader, and she was just doing all of these amazing things.
She was so confident in her appetite for Professor Oglevee.
TCF: And she had other guys going after her too. She went on a few dates with different men throughout the show. They showed her actively being like, โI donโt need you if you donโt want me, I can go and be with somebody else who actually desires me.โ
SY: Seeing that she was being desired by these really fine ass men, I was like, โOh, maybe one day I could find somebody conventionally attractive who would find me attractive as well.โ
I think sheโs probably a beacon for so many women out there. Just seeing Countess living, and being a normal teenager, getting guys, partying, and being the subject of desire, which I think a lot of plus sized women and plus sized Black women, hold quite dear.
Being able to feel needed, wanted, desired, and seeing that play out on TV is so important for me. Because up until then, I didnโt see that happening to women of my size and my color.
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TCF: Who would you define yourself as outside of the fashion world?
SY: Gosh. Iโm just a fat black girl from South London who likes to rant a lot about things that Iโm passionate about. I am somebody that has used social media for the best part of 15 years as an online diary to process my thoughts and all of the things that Iโve gone through.
Iโve always seen writing as very cathartic for me. It doesnโt necessarily have to be really eloquent. Itโs just a way for me to process all of the rubbish thatโs going on [internally] onto something, an inanimate object.
Outside of fashion, Iโm just somebody that is continuously fighting for the voices of underprivileged people to be heard within the masses. Because I think as a black plus sized woman, especially when youโre darker-skinned, it almost feels like we are the worst of all worlds because we experience such intense discrimination and prejudice and all of these things at every level.
So being a woman, being black, being fat, and being darker skinned fatโ the misogynoir, the colorism, the racism, the fatphobiaโ itโs just a lot to take on when you exist in this body.
So yeah, just a fat black woman just trying to fight for our right to be heard.
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TCF: What do you feel your life purpose is overall?
SY: I feel like thatโs something that Iโm still trying to work out. I definitely feel like there is a form of advocacy involved. I do not want young girls to go through some of the stuff that I went through as a child. In regards to not having representation, in regards to bullying, abuse, some self-harm, depression, mental health stuff, etc.
When I see it happening to people, I get so, so upset. And so, I feel like what really drives me to keep talking and raising conversations and normalizing bigger bodies, is that I want girls and boys to grow up in a world where they feel accepted, and they feel loved, and they feel normalized.
I felt like I needed to do something for people. Thatโs what I really want to push.
For me, my purpose is about trying to help create and move forward the discussions of inclusivity and diversity, and teach women how to live in their truth and not be bound by the shackles of this very patriarchal, capitalist society that thrives on white supremacy and this stupid standard of beauty. I want to dismantle this system of attractiveness.
There shouldnโt be a hierarchy of attractiveness and desire, so thatโs what I want to do. Everybody is worthy of being loved, desired, respected, and treated with care, and at the moment we still arenโt.
I want to disrupt the status quo.
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TCF: I love that. Lastly, what does โfattily ever afterโ mean?
SY: Fattily ever after is coming to that point in your life when you decide that you no longer care about societyโs opinions over your fat body. Itโs embracing the word fat and living in your truth.
It is taking the decision to love yourself, regardless of your body type, your body shape, realizing that you are beautiful, worthy of love, worthy of all of the basic human decency and respect that everybody is entitled to, and no longer feeling like you have to perform or make yourself smaller for othersโ comfort.
And say, for me, itโs just a case of โฆ
Living my fattily ever after is basically living my best fat life and not caring about what anybody has to say about it. We donโt have to explain anything to anybody. We can just live. And thatโs how we should all be.
I hate that being plus sized we have to constantly justify our existence and right to live.
And so, I guess living fattily ever after was just making the decision to not do that and to live for ourselves.
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Make sure to check out more from Steph at StephanieYeboah.com!
You can pick up her book, Fattily Ever After on Amazon.com!
Will you be reading her book? Let us know if you have already ordered your copy!ย
