It is kind of messed up that even though half of society is overweight (and/or obese), there is still so much shade thrown at fat girls. I know at least once a day, I hear something about someone body shaming or being shamed. If I didn’t know any better, I would think that we (fat girls) are the minority or foreign because society doesn’t seem to know anything about curvy cuties.
What is something that ALMOST every fat girl has, every fat girl loves and every fat girl hates?
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You guessed it, her friends and family that are always trying to FIX, CORRECT, or ENCOURAGE us to be, do, or live better. You curvy cuties can lie all you want but the truth is, your skinny loved ones have the ability to work your last nerves on occasion (several occasions)… MINE SURE DO!
Now this post is not about bashing or returning the shame, this is about setting the record straight. I want to educate our smaller sisters in an effort to keep them from continuing to make the same mistakes. This is just me sharing my fat girl perspective on privilege, patronizing, concern trolling, and the shade that accompanies it.
Yeah, you read right; there is a size privilege, all the fat girls know it and our smaller sisters deny it but it is there. It is a severe case of verbal diarrhea that many times cause us (fat girls) to have to throw our weight around (pun intended). Occasionally it is an unintentional slip of the tongue by some of our homegirls. However, other times it may be deliberate targeted disrespect intended to hurt. Whatever the case it is a total brain fart because the truth is they are no better than we are.
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Since sharing is caring and I am a Care Bear, I want to share because I care (side eye). While there are thousands of examples of exactly what I mean, I will not take up that much of your time. I just want to share five things that you should avoid saying to a fat girls in an effort to evade looking like Slim Shady (and not Eminem).
5 Things You Should Avoid Saying To Fat Girls
“You have a PRETTY FACE”
FIRST OF ALL, while we appreciate the compliment, we are so damn tired of hearing this. Like that is the most sideways comment I’ve ever heard. We are more than a pretty face, we love our curves and extra cushion. Just because you don’t appreciate our bodies, does mean we don’t, how would you like it if we said you had a nice body…ONLY?
Insert “Any type of dating advice”
Despite what you think, fat girls are winning in all areas of life including our love lives. Don’t be so shocked that he is with me!! A real man isn’t checking a woman’s scale he wants a soul mate with morals and something to offer the world other than a nice ass (although our booties are on fleek). So, from now on we don’t want to hear anything about “big girls” and men….. PERIOD!!
“Oh and you dress NICE for your size”
“You dress nice for your size” is not a damn compliment! Does that mean that I only look good in the presence of other curvy cuties? LIES (in my Tamar Braxton voice)!!! Our closets are filled with the latest and the greatest but most of all we have style, you better act like you know!!!
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“Are you going to eat THAT?”
YES, YES, YES!!! I am going to eat that! The last thing we need is for your hungry looking ass to be counting our caloric intake. We will eat what we want when we want and it is none of your business. And just so you know, yes Shady Grady, we do workout! Not every plus size woman is sitting on her ass waiting to magically get in shape. Just like not every slim chick is healthy and going to the gym daily. We see you at Mickey D’s too!
“If you lose weight, you will be…”
We already have it going, so stop with the “if you lose weight you will be…” I already told you we are winning and unless you are Ray Charles to it… we know you see it! There was a time when you could have made us feel like we were not all of that (that moment has passed) but now. WE ARE NOT FALLING FOR THAT. Yeah, we are fat but guess what else we are? FABULOUS!
This post could go on and on (in my Erykah Badu voice) but I will stop it here because I know you get the picture. The moral of the story is…
Curvy girls add your two cents, what “backhanded compliments” are you tired of hearing from your smaller and concerning friends?
Yes this article is everything! Especially the last comment! My family has told
me that men would like me if I would lose weight and that I’d get jobs if I lost weight (already have a great job). Hurtful to say the least but I’m still living!
I swear I live for a moment when a fat girl crushes a stereotype!!
My grandma always assumes I’m on a diet.. Oh Mia shouldn’t you be eating something else. That will ruin your diet. Hello did I tell you in was dieting?? Oh because I’m fat and you think I should be on a diet then I will go on one??? NO MA’AM!!
I had an aunt that would do me the same way. LOL!!! I used to be like, “oh… I am not on a diet, don’t worry!”
Lol, people will say to me “you do yoga?!?!?!” and have the craziest look on their faces. I usually say, “why yes, yes I do and I bet my toe stand is better than yours honey!” Lol
I once wore a sundress I had purchased from Old Navy. A coworker asked if I bought it from Lane Bryant. I told her it was from Old Navy & she had the nerve to say “you can shop at Old Navy?” It took everything in me not to slap her.
!!! GIRL. No. NOOOOOOOOOo what did you say back???
She would have been rewarded my infamous blanket stare.
Many of the people who try to claim a Zen-like purity in a minimalist lifestyle, advocating the avoidance of material possessions – are often broke and have no choice but to live that way?
Many of the people who tout their principles of taking the high road by ‘looking beyond the physical’, minimizing the importance of physical fitness – are in terrible shape themselves, and have never had the discipline to leave their comfort zone to achieve any level of fitness?
While these philosophies certainly have merit and are admirable, they are often times conveniently crafted around one’s circumstances, like being fat.
I missed a job promo once and my mum told me it was because I was too fat, they wouldn’t want someone like me because I look lazy. Turns out it was actually because they promoted me to supervisor instead.
Men got it real bad “Love all that t#ts and a$$.”
Really? I do have a degree and a Career!