We interviewed transgender and non-binary people that self-identify as fat about their opinions on androgyny in fat fashion.
“2017 is the year, girl. THIS is the year where I’m finally gonna do it. I’m finally gonna get my s*&t together. I’m finally gonna fix myself. New Year, new me.”
We make our lists. Check them twice. We’ve already decided we’ve been naughty. And this is how we’re gonna make up for it.
(hint: it’s not usually that nice).
Every year, I used to make my lists. From weight loss goals and plans like going to the gym 3 times per week or paying off X amount of debt.
Except by the time February rolled around, it would all go out the window, and I’d quietly tear up my list and decide to try again next year. So many resolutions broken along with my self-confidence. And year after year, I still wouldn’t be any healthier or happier.
So why do we keep doing it? And why are they so hard to keep?
Some would say we all lack will-power, discipline, motivation, or that we don’t want it enough.
Or the most common one I hear is “I’m just so busy”.
So why do we REALLY find a resolution or two so hard to stick to?
The problem is they don’t usually come from a very self-loving place.
“Tonight’s the last night I drink! I’m taking a month off! No more empty calories.”
“I ate so much over the holidays, you guys, seriously it’s so bad. But 2017 is a New Year right?”
“I just got this new gym membership and I swear I’m finally gonna whoop my ass into shape this year.”
“I’m done spending my money on stupid crap, THIS year I’m gonna get out of debt.”
Did those sound like they came from a place of love?
Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
A resolution is usually something we think we should do to fit in or make others happy, and they usually come from feeling shame or feeling not good enough.
And queen Brene Brown tells us that change motivated by shame never works.
“If we want meaningful, lasting change we need to… call for an end to shame as tool for change.”
Change needs to come from loving ourselves so much that we’re inspired to take better care of ourselves, not shaming ourselves because we believe there’s something wrong with us.
Resolutions usually come from a place of being really hard on ourselves and focusing on what’s not working. So we set ourselves up to make a lot of overwhelming changes all at once because we buy into this idea that THIS year things will be different.
But we can’t make real lasting changes in our lives unless we do it out of self-love.
The number one thing I’ve learned about self-love is that it doesn’t come when we lose those 20 pounds, it doesn’t come when we get another job, and it doesn’t come when we finally find a man (or woman!).
And it definitely doesn’t come when you fail yourself year after year.
It comes when you show up for yourself, and honor yourself, with love EVERY DAY, not just once a year.
So let’s stop setting ourselves up for failure, yeah? Instead of trying to shame yourself into change, bring in a dose of self-love everyday and see what magic happens.
The only resolution you need to make this year is to love yourself.
Here are the top 5 things you can do every day to love yourself this year.
- Be you, unapologetically. Stop worrying about what other people will think and just start doing you. Being inauthentic to avoid judgement or rejection erodes your sense of self. It might be scary at first. People might look at you funny. But the more brave you are to express yourself authentically, the more true to yourself you’ll feel. And the more you’ll find people in your life who love you for you, not for who you’re trying to be.
- Be like teflon. It can be too easy to let other people’s comments and behavior get to us. From moms to bosses to boyfriends. We use the little digs or completely innocent comments as evidence to beat ourselves up over.
- Collect evidence of your awesome. Most of the time we collect evidence of why we suck – from our bodies to our careers we’re super hard on ourselves and we let other people’s comments and behavior get to us. Start collecting evidence that you are awesome! Write down compliments, successes, and accomplishments. Keep a running list on a chalk board or a journal and come back to it when you need to.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. From how your body looks to what kind of job you have to being single, comparing and despairing about where you are in life compared to others will only leave you in a slump.
- Start a daily gratitude practice. Every day make a list of all the things you’re grateful for. Even just start with three. Gratitude has a powerful way of helping you see what’s working. And when you see what’s working, you find love.
I promise if you do those five things, you’re gonna rock this New Year like never before.
Let’s make 2017 different.
Let’s make 2017 the year of self-love.
Do you have any tips or ways you’ve learned to love yourself? Any certain resolution you’re going for? Put them in the comments! I’d love to hear what’s worked for you!