• About
  • Advertise
  • FAQs
  • Contact
Monday, May 19, 2025
Subscribe
The Curvy Fashionista
  • Style
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
  • Curvy CEO
  • Shop TCF
  • Events Calendar
  • The Plus Directory
No Result
View All Result
  • Style
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
  • Curvy CEO
  • Shop TCF
  • Events Calendar
  • The Plus Directory
No Result
View All Result
The Curvy Fashionista
No Result
View All Result

How I Navigated the Intersection of Fatness and Queerness

BJ Colangelo by BJ Colangelo
5 years ago
Reading Time: 4 mins read
A A
0
bj colangelo talks about the intersection of fatness and queerness

Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

455
SHARES
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

I was about six-years-old the first time I remember hearing a woman referred to as โ€œqueer.โ€ She was a volunteer at my hometown community rec center and had spiky red hair with frosted tips (it was the 90s, leave her alone).

I remember watching her build a platform for our townโ€™s upcoming Haunted House. I couldnโ€™t believe how confident she was with cuffed jeans, a fitted flannel, and pristine combat boots.

You see, I had โ€œcome outโ€ the year prior after getting in trouble with another girl for kissing under the slide on the playground, and didnโ€™t fully understand what any of it meant.ย 

RelatedPosts

9 BEST Tips for Attending Pride as a Plus Size Babe for the First Time

Iโ€™ll Never Be Ugly Again โ€“ A Plus Size Modelโ€™s Reflection on Self Love

My Curves, My Journey: Living, Learning, and Loving Me Through Cosplay

bj colangelo talks about the intersection of fatness and queerness
Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

I did, however, understand that when my mom whispered โ€œdonโ€™t stareโ€ at the rec center employee when her partner brought her coffee, that queerness was something that could be visible.

I wanted to look like her because I knew deep down that I was like her. But, as a cherub bellied youngster with hair down to the middle of my back, I wasnโ€™t sure if I was allowed to do so.

As I got older and my understanding of sexuality became more apparent, my insecurities began to grow.

Iโ€™d watch Ellen DeGeneres wear suit jackets I knew would never look right on my frame. My mother introduced me to queer icons like Freddie Mercury and Grace Jones.

I kept looking at their slender figures and realizing very quickly that the aesthetics that I had been conditioned to think were mandatory, were figures that would never fit on my own body.

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness 2
Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

My fatness is a direct correlation to the difficulty I felt fully embracing my queerness.

When the entire world was delivering social messaging telling me that I was โ€œugly, unhealthy, unattractive.โ€

And a myriad of other painful untrue correlations, it was difficult for me to accept that I was worthy of love at all. Let alone by another woman who was also being fed these very same messages.

The overwhelming focus (and therefore representation) of queer folx in the public eye is traditionally slender and playing with gender roles.

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness 5
Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

ย 

Itโ€™s important to note that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being slender or gender non-conforming.

But, when the only visibility is putting a specific look or โ€œtypeโ€ as the gold standard, anything that doesnโ€™t look exactly like it is deemed invalid.

On that same note, itโ€™s important to note that there is no one way to look or be queer.

However, analyzing the different ways in which gender expression can offer privilege or disadvantage is enough to constitute its own book. This will therefore not be the focus of this piece.

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness 4
via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

Between cis men wearing makeup or the old stereotype of Birkenstock sandals serving as go-to social advertisements of queerness, it would be foolish not to acknowledge that for many people, gender identity/sexuality and expressions through fashion are strongly linked.

Sometimes, we have to hide the way we would like to appear as a safety precaution. And itโ€™s important to recognize that this is a restriction that impacts all marginalized folx.

However, Iโ€™m about to let you in on the big secret on how to thrive as a fashionable queer even while fat.

Are you ready?

You sure?

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness 6
Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

You think you can handle it?

The trick to being a fashionable fat queer is to wear whatever the hell you want.

Sure, queer fashion has a reputation for being bold and โ€œoutside the normโ€. For just about all of human history, we were seen as bold and outside the norm.

If this sort of fashion is what you gravitate toward, live as loudly as a neon patterned button up crop top.

BUT! If you prefer a more subdued look that doesnโ€™t demand that you be the center of attention, thatโ€™s perfectly fine too!

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness 3
Image via instagram.com/bjcolangelo

If you want to wear makeup with a face as beat as any Instagram influencer, it is your right. Just as it is to never put any sort of product on your face at all.

Wear what makes you feel the most you!

Do this, regardless of what any sort of social messaging tells you youโ€™re supposed to wear.ย 

There are no uniforms for queerness or fatness.

BJ Talks the intersection of Fatness and Queerness

Despite what the media has been telling us for years, there is no mandatory personality or behavior for queerness or fatness.

Our bodies and the ways that we love may be extremely important aspects of our identity. However, itโ€™s just a few pieces of the whole of our being.

Tags: my curves my journeyqueer plus size blogger
Share154Tweet97
BJ Colangelo

BJ Colangelo

Related Posts

STAR-MAKER TO STYLE ICON: The Story of Hollywood Rep & Plus Size Designer Tracy Christian
Business of Plus

STAR-MAKER TO STYLE ICON: The Story of Hollywood Rep & Plus Size Designer Tracy Christian

by Ashley Blackwell
May 19, 2025
Tru Diva at FFFWeek shot by My HTC M9
Plus Size Events

Celebrating 10 Years of FFFWeek: The Top 10 Moments Weโ€™re Excited For

by Marie Denee
June 18, 2018 - Updated on May 16, 2025
FFF Week Bae Walk 10

Around FFFWeek: Big & Tall Fashion Shows Out with Bae Walks!

by Marie Denee
June 30, 2018 - Updated on May 16, 2025
Finding Ashley Stewart 2017 Calendar
Plus Size Events

Cool News! The Finding Ashley Stewart Competition Finale & En Vogue!

by Marie Denee
June 28, 2017 - Updated on May 16, 2025
The Curvy Fashionista as Social Media Ambassador for 1st Annual Miss Plus USA Competition
Plus Size Events

Save the Date: Miss Plus USA Competition Hits Seattle- Will You Be There?

by Marie Denee
June 30, 2014 - Updated on May 16, 2025
Plus Size Events

The Bali Intimate Apparel Summit- Bras, Briefs, and Beauty

by Marie Denee
June 20, 2011 - Updated on May 16, 2025
Next Post
2019 TCFCruise with Travel Divas

All Aboard! Join Us For Our 2020 TCFCruise to the Western Caribbean!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I agree to the Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.

What are you looking for?

No Result
View All Result

What's Popular Now

  • What plus-size people actually wore to NYFW

    What Plus Size People Actually Wore To New York Fashion Week

    1551 shares
    Share 616 Tweet 385
  • The Dividing Truth Behind B Bellies

    2776 shares
    Share 1089 Tweet 681
  • Who Is Sara Milliken? Learn All About the 2024 National American Miss Alabama!

    457 shares
    Share 179 Tweet 112
  • Plus Size Little White Dress: Your Spring Style? We Just Upgraded It

    422 shares
    Share 163 Tweet 102
  • Black Plus Size Influencers over 40 Who Are Bringing ALL the Style

    507 shares
    Share 200 Tweet 125

The Curvy Fashionista is THE plus size fashion media platform dedicated to celebrating plus size folks with curves, confidence, style, and smarts; covering the latest in plus size fashion news.

Company

  • About
  • Team TCF
  • Advertise
  • Contribute
  • Contact

Info

  • Plus Size FAQs
  • Plus Size Resources
  • Privacyย 
  • Sitemap
No Result
View All Result
  • Style
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
  • Curvy CEO
  • Editorโ€™s Desk
  • Lifestyle
  • Shop TCF
  • Contact
  • About The Curvy Fashionista

ยฉ 2008- 2025 ยท by TCFStyle Media ยท All Rights Reserved ยท

This website uses cookies. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. Visit our Privacy and Cookie Policy.