We interviewed transgender and non-binary people that self-identify as fat about their opinions on androgyny in fat fashion.
Valentine’s Day has come and gone and so are most of the messages about romance, plus size lingerie, pole and/or lap dance classes and so much more. There’s one problem with all this hype around ‘finding your sexy’ and ‘being sexy for your love’, it doesn’t last. You take one class, you buy a new lingerie set, you invest all this energy in maintaining the illusion of sensuality and then it falls to pieces days later.
Because most people don’t know how and don’t want to talk about what it takes to create a sustainable relationship with your power (or sexy in my world) that carries you from day to day.
I’ll be honest Valentine’s Day is actually one of my favorite times of year! I value this time of year as an opportunity to reboot my own self-love practice, remind myself to take my pleasure seriously and to embrace the healing power of stepping into my sensuality.
You might not hear sensuality and healing in the same sentence but in my sensual dance classes, Woman Untamed, it’s an unbreakable intersection that we sit in every week we come to the dance floor. In today’s piece I want to share with you 10 unconventional ways to embrace the healing power of your sensuality so you can feel like a bombshell, everyday.
10 Ways To Embrace Your Sensuality Beyond Valentine’s Day
1. Throw out what you know about sensuality.
First let me explain the true definition of sensuality. To be sensual is to be viscerally connected, open, raw, vulnerable, reachable and penetrable. Sensual is the opposite of numb. Our sensual energy is fuel that we have access to throughout our daily lives, that gives us the power to call us out of autopilot mode, so we truly live. To be sensual, is to feel life coursing through your veins, anything less is to be disconnected.
We have been taught that having a sensual connection to our bodies is unnecessary or at the very least on the bottom of the priority list when it comes to life. Shifting out of that mindset takes effort and devotion but the reward is tremendous once you’ve awakened your body out of numbness.
2. Shine Light on Negative Thoughts + Habits
The biggest obstacle in embracing yours sensuality is how you think about yourself. Sexy starts from within. We have be in a place of peace, joy and radiance in our internal lives in order to truly stand in our power. It’s when we are coming from this place that we ooze with effortless confidence and grace. The more you are willing to face yourself, the more you will begin to feel yourself shine!
Facing yourself requires identifying the junk thoughts that you are harboring about yourself and your life. When you can truly shine light on those limiting beliefs and make space for a new truth to emerge, that’s when you will feel the shift. When I faced my own past and my insecurities, I felt the weight stretching for perfection fall off me. Unmasking the self-loathing habits that we often don’t want to acknowledge is the first step to freedom.
3. Undo The Stories You’ve Been Told About Your Sexuality
What’s the story that you were told about pleasure and sexuality while you were growing up? What things about sex do you hold on to today as ‘truth’ even if it makes you feel a bit limited?
A great way to identify the underlying story around embracing your sensuality is to look at the women who were prominent in your life growing up and think about their relationship to their bodies and to love. Were they always dieting? Did they constantly comment about their weight? Did they take exceptional care of themselves? Were they constantly making up and breaking up with someone? Did you ever see them go on date or were they very distant from socializing?
All of these different stories can be lodged in your own subconscious and feed the way that you allow yourself to express your sensuality now. Explore and play with your expression and see what feels good for you start to shape your own vision of what it would like for you to be a fully expressed sensual woman. There is no right or wrong here.
4. Clear Out Time In Your Schedule For Self-Care
When I gather with the Woman Untamed students, I constantly remind them that self-care is a priority to feel vibrant. If you wait until something goes wrong to take care of you then you aren’t valuing your temple.
Imagine it like this, your cell phone is fairly new so it has a decent battery life. Throughout your day you use Facebook, Instagram, check your emails, text with your loved ones and make a few calls. Since it’s a new battery you might be able to get away without charging it that night, but the longer you go without recharging, the slower the system operates. We are the same way. We literally need to stop and plug in to our power source.
5. Create A Practice of Surrendering
There is nothing that gets in the way of us feeling electrified by our sensuality than holding on to deadweight, anger, doubt and confusion. Make it a point that each day you will begin with fresh eyes and a new outlook. If you have to name the things that are heavy on your heart, write it out on a list and then repeat to yourself:
“I let go of all that’s not serving my highest good so I can step into my light. I do not have to carry this weight alone.”
6. Treat your body like you cherish her.
Every so often when I buy flowers for myself, I keep the old flowers and line the room with rose petals leading into the bathroom. I’ll light some candles and throw rose petals in the water and put on my favorite music. This little gesture creates a memory in my muscles of pleasure and rest for those times when I am unbearably tense.
Too often we keep going through our day to day lives pushing ourselves to the point where we are running on fumes. We treat self-care like a reward instead of a necessity. When you shift out of that mentality and allow yourself to see self-care as an integral part of being able to do the work that you do everyday, you will feel a significant difference in your connection to your body.
7. Forgiveness Is The Path To Pleasure and Rekindling Intimacy with Your Beloved
Our unwillingness to forgive—to let go— justifies not doing the real work. If we can hang on to the pain of the problem long enough, we don’t actually have to do the healing work necessary to open our hearts again.
Learning the lesson is the easy part of going through romantic trials. Learning the lesson and not allowing the pain to numb or bitter the heart is where the real work comes in.
We use our stories of unforgiveness as a shield to block intimacy with our partners and with God. We know that if we wipe the slate clean, if we drop the problem, if we forgive, that we will become vulnerable. And we’ve been taught that vulnerability makes us look stupid, weak, broken, desperate, unworthy and that’s, of course, the last thing we need.
But really, vulnerability is our greatest strength.
8. Your Soul is not a Sacrifice For Someone Else’s Healing.
Stop giving so much. Better yet let me say this stop giving so much to the wrong people that you end up depleted and lifeless. There is nothing that disconnects us from our power faster that pouring our precious energy into empty barrels. When you are giving to the right people there is an energetic exchange that is undeniable.
Too many of us have learned self sacrificing, as our primary love language. It’s a toxic and destructive habit that we need to burn down immediately. We can give to the point where we make ourselves sick and that’s not a benefit for anyone.
Learn when to say no and trust that those who respect and cherish you will honor your boundaries without question or hesitation.
9. Practice Loving Kindness to Your Body No Matter What
When I first recognized that I was developing stretch marks on my stomach, I had to slow down for a moment. I knew that I had been under some pressure, picked up some weight, and I didn’t want to be hard on myself. So instead of freaking out, I just took some pictures to capture that moment.
It felt good and I want to encourage you to do the same. You don’t have to share these with anyone if you don’t desire, but whatever part of your body is making you feel most self-conscious, photograph it from different angles. Then, in your downtime, write some loving affirmations to yourself to look at when you start getting in your head again.
10. Make time + space for romance with your beloved and/or self
Finally, if you are a busy busy soul like I am, constantly moving from one project to the next, you could spend an entire day working away. In order for love, romance and intimacy to show up, we actually have to make room for it! Remember, we make time for the things that are important to us.
Whether you are single or head over heels in love, make space in your schedule to unwind. Turn off the computer, slow cook a delicious dinner in nothing but some ripped up fishnets, grab your favorite playlist and sink into the moment. You won’t regret it.
In the comments I’d love to hear which tip you found most useful. If you feel moved tag and share this article with a friend.
Happy “love your body and embrace your sensuality every day” Everyone!