From matching pajamas to blocking numbers, this yearโs โChristmas Love Storyโ isnโt ideal if youโve recently suffered a split from your (once) favorite person. While most are bumping mugs at the breakfast table, putting up personalized stockings over the fireplace, or kissing under the mistletoe, many are navigating the end of a relationship with someone they saw forever with. However, finding ways to handle a holiday breakup is often a struggle.
In a season famous for showing off the couplesโ photoshoots, exchanging his and her gifts around the tree, and bonding over cookie-baking for โSanta,โ itโs an overwhelming sadness that comes with realizing you donโt have your Mr. or Mrs. Claus to accompany the festivities. Thus, loneliness then uses your hopeless romantic heart as a playground for granting second chances to the ex-lover who showed you they werenโt any good the first time.
Before you know it, youโve fallen victim to the โhey, big headโ text (aka the โcould I come back if I wanted toโ game) masked as merry wishes. Now, youโre stuck wondering when Yuletide check-ins became excuses for holding on instead of letting go and carrying this vicious cycle into the New Year.
We get it. Sadly, no one talks about how antagonizing grieving an individual whoโs still alive can be. The connection. The memories. The goodโฆ and the bad. It is now forced to become a figment of your imagination as if you two are strangers who never existed in each otherโs world. No more dates to see the neighborhood light show or deciding whose familyโs house would be the go-to for dinner on the 25th. Every plan youโve had has been canceled in the blink of an eye. Butโฆ despite how much of a mental funk youโre in, someday, it wonโt hurt as badly.
Whether you were the one to chuck up the deuces or they walked away, taking the necessary steps toward your healing process amid this emotional challenge is crucial.
Here are six tips on maneuvering through Christmastime after separating from a partner.
Ways to Handle a Holiday Breakup & Get Your Mind Right for the New Year
1. Delete the Photos
While everyone rants about the importance of โdeleting the numberโ and going โno contact,โ the power of cleaning out any trace of your former boo in your camera roll is forgotten. Itโs easy to sulk about what couldโve been and couldnโt be when youโre piled up in bed, staring at pictures of the happy moments your iPhone captured. Move those flicks to the trash folder in your gallery and (permanently) leave them there. Itโs enough that he/she has a space in your brain; donโt let them chill rent-free on your device, too.
2. Embark on a Social Media Cleanse
Partaking in a cyber detox isnโt bragged about enough. With extravagant engagements and pregnancy pop-outs dominating our online feeds comes the thief of joy: comparison. From proposals to babies, itโs not uncommon for the spirit of jealousy to creep up when you see others getting the fairytale ending you so desperately desire. Things like that only heighten the (daily) need you feel to stumble your way to your past mateโs profile, drowning in a puddle of tears as you scroll through their page and watch them (seemingly) live their best lifeโฆ without you.
Wipe your face, chin up, and stop checking for them. Although it may be difficult to go the whole month without social media access, start small with a week and work your way up. Delete the appsโฆ if you have to. This aids in mentally resetting and refocusing on what truly matters: yourself.
3. Create a Mini Holiday Bucket List
Filling your agenda with fun activities will ensure that intrusive thoughts are at bay and wonโt prohibit you from enjoying the peace and joy of this time of the year. Grab a few family members and schedule a โ12 Days of Christmasโ marathon with a full itinerary of Christmas-themed plans. Catch the caroling crew downtown. Head to the mountains to ski.
Try that new pho spot where their soups are said to soothe the coldest parts of the soul. Decorate your home by yourself for the first time in who-knows-how-long. Do what makes your heart smile. While alone time may be needed on your journey to recovery, embracing the company of loved ones or the general public can be refreshing.
4. Write a Love Letter
Thereโs nothing more freeing than jotting your thoughts on paper. At the core of the โhatredโ you may feel is still love. Release it. Not for themโฆ but for you. Pen an essay as if youโre sending it to the person that describes every emotion youโve felt throughout the relationship and the breakup. How many times they made you cry. Where you both went wrong and even right. Your final goodbye before moving onโฆ once and for all.
Sit in that for a minute, and donโt ignore it. Once written, set the letter ablaze and watch as it sizzles to ashes. Youโre in an era of burning what no longer serves you and realizing youโre worth more.
5. Revisit an Old Passion
Pouring the same love into yourself that you were giving that other person is the only way to work your way out of the rut the relationshipโs end has you buried in. Get to know who you are again. Understand your likes and dislikes.
Date yourself. Reconnect in nature. Pick up that hobby you put down. Find the you that was lost in them. This could be something as simple as nurturing the painter in you who loves to draw, finishing that book youโve left in the drafts, or recording the song youโve held out on booking studio time for.
6. Go to Therapy
Sometimes, the self-healing tactics donโt work as effectively, and thatโs okay. Donโt be afraid to say, โI need help.โ We all do at some point in our lives. Seeking a therapist doesnโt make you โcrazy,โ nor is it a โwaste of money.โ Mental health professionals have tools that we (as everyday people) donโt specialize in fixing the problem(s) with. If youโre not up for going to the office, you could always book a virtual session.
Counselors are the non-judgmental best friends our minds need every once in a while. By talking through the hard circumstances and recognizing the root of the pain, you learn how to overcome the obstacles on your road to healing from heartbreak even better.
Undoubtedly, having to choose yourself over the one you wouldโve chosen time and time again isnโt an overnight situation. It takes persistence, reflection, and even prayer. Butโฆ it can be done.
As the good adage says, โTime heals all wounds.โ However, when it does, be sure you donโt go back and rip the bandaid off of what took you so long to mend. After all, you deserve to be treated with the same care youโve (unselfishly) showered others with.
Do you have some ways to handle a holiday breakup to share? Drop them in the comments below!
