If doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of insanity, what does that say about a woman who has worn the same brown lip liner and clear lip gloss combination for years?
Am I insane?
Or have I simply found what works?
For years, I had no reason to question my signature lip. But then I started wondering what would happen if I traded my usual combination for colorful lipstick.
For years, my lips have lived a very predictable life. Brown liner. Clear gloss. Maybe a little extra gloss if I was feeling adventurous. It was my beauty security blanket, the one combination I could reach for whether I was running errands during the day or getting dressed for a night out.
But lately, I started wondering what would happen if I stopped playing it safe.
My Lips Needed Exposure Therapy
You see, I have luscious, big lips. Not my words, but I do agree. And yet, despite having what I consider prime real estate for color, I had somehow decided that the only acceptable tenants were brown lip liner and clear gloss.
So, I did something that felt almost rebellious.
I tried lipstick.
Not nude lipstick. Not brown lipstick. Not a shade that could quietly blend into the background.
Color.
I decided to try The Lip Bar’s “Nonstop Liquid Matte Duo Viral Lip Looks” which comes with two shades that can be worn separately or together. It Girl is a hot, intense pink, while Muse is a deep berry shade.
The idea is that you can wear them solo or combine them for an even bolder lip look. But let’s be honest: I was barely ready for one bold lipstick. The double power and impact of both shades together? That felt like extreme exposure therapy I had not signed up for.
So I started with Muse.
The full impact of the lip color felt like extreme exposure therapy, and apparently, I was not ready to go cold turkey. I tried the deep berry Muse with my trusty brown lip liner, easing myself into color instead of throwing myself completely into the deep end.
When Your Outfit Is Already Saying “Look at Me”
As a plus size woman, I already know what it feels like to draw attention to myself. My size can make me noticeable before I even say a word, and the way I dress certainly doesn’t help me blend in.
I’ve never been particularly interested in following the rules about what plus size women are supposedly allowed to wear. If the rule says I should avoid it, chances are I want it even more.
But there is a difference between wearing an outfit that gets you noticed and putting a loud pop of color directly in the middle of your face.
The lipstick felt like adding a neon sign to an already noticeable outfit that said, “Please look at me.”
And suddenly, I was asking myself: Was I actually ready for that much attention?
Maybe that was why I had stayed loyal to my brown lip liner and clear gloss for so long. It wasn’t just a beauty routine. It was a way of controlling the volume. My clothes could make the statement while my lips stayed familiar and predictable.
Muse Meets Orange
But wearing Muse with an orange knit dress from Ashley Stewart made me rethink that.
The orange and deep berry combination was bold, but somehow, it worked. The colors complemented each other instead of competing for attention.
And for someone who had spent years convincing herself that a colorful lip was too much, I was starting to wonder if “too much” was even a real thing.
Muse is a liquid matte formula, and I needed two to three swipes to get the full coverage I wanted. The first swipe gave me more of a sheer wash of color, but building it up gave me the richness I was looking for.
Then came the real test.
I wore the lipstick to an hourlong interview with an inspirational founder. An hour of talking, smiling and carrying on later, the lipstick was still there.
If a lipstick can survive an interview, I figured it deserved another chance.
Then Came It Girl
If Muse was my cautious introduction to color, It Girl was me finally admitting that I might actually like it.
The hot, intense pink was not exactly subtle. It was the kind of color that enters the room before you do. Naturally, that made me nervous.
Again, I needed two to three swipes to get full coverage. But once the color built up, there was no hiding behind it.
And maybe that was what I needed.
It Girl stayed through a happy hour with a new friend and three delicious street tacos.
Yes, three.
The liquid matte formula did feel a little drying on my lips, but I had to give it credit. A lipstick that can survive drinks, conversation and three tacos without completely disappearing has earned my respect.
Then the compliments started.
People were calling me a Black Barbie.
Me.
The woman who had spent years treating brown lip liner and clear gloss like a required uniform.
Suddenly, the thing I had been nervous about was one of the first things people noticed about me. And instead of feeling like I was trying too hard, I felt like I had finally given myself permission to try something I had been avoiding.
Maybe I Don’t Want to Be a Normal Girl
Maybe I wasn’t afraid of colorful lipstick.
Maybe I was afraid of being seen differently.
Because as a plus size woman, I’ve already had to become comfortable with being looked at. I’ve learned how to dress outside the rules, wear the things I’m told I shouldn’t and take up space without apologizing for it.
But even when you’re comfortable being seen, there can still be parts of yourself that you keep quiet.
For me, apparently, that part was my lips.
My brown liner and clear gloss aren’t going anywhere. Some relationships are worth keeping. But now I know they don’t have to be the only relationship my lips have.
Maybe I wasn’t insane for wearing the same lip combination for years. Maybe I was just comfortable.
And there’s nothing wrong with comfortable.
But now I know comfortable doesn’t have to mean constant.
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