So the “Rolls of Confidence” girl is back for your reading pleasure. Since we last convened, I am down to 355 pounds from 371. I haven’t been to the gym as much in the last two weeks due to my schedule but was able to still drop a pound or two.
I’ll never forget the day I heard it. I was about 18 years old and the year was 1998. I was hanging out at a local club scoping the scene and playing the bar when I overheard a conversation amongst a group of men. “I’d fuck with a fat bitch cause she gonna cook, suck me off, give me money and hold me down. That’s how they are.” I stood there not sure if I should respond or mind my business but since they were talking about larger size women, this would be considered my arena of expertise.
Forget All Those Stereotypes
Yet, rather than chime in as I normally would, I continued to listen to them point out their victims for the evening as they plotted who they would go home with and never call again. At that very moment, I vowed that I would rather die six million ways than have some guy consider me an easy target because of my weight.
Like Della Reese said in the movie Harlem Nights,”You Gonna Have To Learn To Respect Me!”
Now let’s get one thing straight: All men ARE NOT like this or dogs as some women like to passionately call them. However, I have seen some real losers manipulate situations for the sake of personal gain, both women and men. What perplexes me is why women get so angry about the way men treat them at times. My grandmother told me a long time ago that you teach people how to treat you. Truer words have never been spoken.
As I got older I heard these conversations again regarding dating plus-size women. On one hand there were men who loved it because that was their personal preference and on the other hand were men who did it because they knew if they showed a plus-size woman who he considered not a hot commodity in the dating pool an ounce of attention, he would get physical satisfaction without having to wine and dine her. He could drive her call, get a cooked meal, come by at all hours of the night, disappear for weeks and come back and his plus-size doormat would be right there waiting because she longed for that companionship. And in his circles of other male friends this is how ALL plus-sized women would be perceived.
Until. . .
They meet someone like a Renee D. Jennings; who says “Forget All Those Stereotypes!”
You can dress a fox up in sheep’s clothing but I am smart enough to know the difference. I feel sorry for these men who approach me with ulterior motives dancing around in their “heads” (and I do mean both heads). The game drenched in so much b.s. they should own a rodeo. Here is where the problem starts: WOMEN!
We are some loving, loyal, and shit taking individuals when we are really feeling a guy. Sadly, some women were never taught how to peep game or even value themselves enough to know that they should not be going out of their way for a man who only comes over when the street lights come on. So happy to have Mr. Loser coming over, she has prepared food, got all dolled up for temporary satisfaction and in the morning he is “On to the Next One,” like a Jay-Z single. The self esteem hits the floor quicker than your panties. Congratulations, you’ve just been played.
There are many women of all sizes who refuse to take any crap off a guy and vice versa but sadly there are still many women in general buying into the bullshit like a “Boyfriend” just to have some sort of companionship and active sex life. Men talk about us the way they do because THERE ARE SO MANY OF US WHO DO EXACTLY WHAT THEY TALK ABOUT! Change the formula and you change the situation. We all deserve to be happy, in committed and fulfilling relationships if we so choose and it is up to us to STOP settling for b.s. that we are given no matter how much feelings we have for a person.
Change the formula and you change the situation.
Does this mean that we should be angry women walking around with a chip on our shoulder because of what John, Terry, Jay or Andre did to us? Absolutely NOT! Instead we need to reach down within ourselves and turn on our swag 24/7 and know that the trifling behavior of one does not dictate our future aspirations to be happy.
People are walking around with so much emotional baggage that they are not able to function rationally or logically in a new relationship. Get over it already! We teach people how to treat us. And as a plus-size woman I am here to say I like to cook and I don’t mind holding my man down. BUT! I refuse to be your stereotype because by definition I am a prototype of all the strong women who have come before me. And we don’t accept less than what we are worth no matter what size we are.
So if you pay like I weigh, you can stay but only if the payment is in the form of RESPECT. Ya heard?
Now talk about that!
This Tuesday, March 16, 2010, I will be on Life Size Radio, hosted my Stephanie Arnold from 6 PM- 7 PM discussing my diagnosis with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and weight loss. Tune in at:http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lifesize.
I am the Editor in Chic of The Curvy Fashionista. Often goofy. Forever emo. Always a Virgo. You can find me somewhere grooving to 90s R&B.