By using this site, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Accept
The Curvy FashionistaThe Curvy Fashionista
Notification Show More
Aa
  • News
    News
    Looking the the latest plus size fashion and industry news around designers, influencers, and community happenings? We’ve got you covered with the latest happenings in…
    Show More
    Top News
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Simply Be!
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Simply Be!
    9 years ago
    Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Hips and Curves
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Hips and Curves!
    9 years ago
    nordstrom size inclusive
    What’s Missing as Nordstrom (and others) Takes Note of Us, the Plus Size Consumer
    6 years ago
    Latest News
    GLAMOROUS Plus Size Capsule Wardrobe || Interview with Suzanne Vinnik, Founder of byVINNIK
    2 weeks ago
    Thank Us Later! We’ve Found the 100 BEST Plus Size Swimsuits Under $100!
    2 weeks ago
    Hittin’ the Beach? Check Out These Fun and Sexy 23 Plus Size Swim Cover Ups!
    3 weeks ago
    26 Super Sexy Plus Size Two-Piece Swimwear That Your Curves Need Now!
    3 weeks ago
  • Style
    Style
    Yes, plus size style options exist and we are here to share the latest style finds, news, updates, and plus size style tips & tricks…
    Show More
    Top News
    Plus size woman Walking
    LETS TALK: Design Elements in Plus Size Clothes that KILL ME.
    10 years ago
    Duo Boots Giveaway on The Curvy Fashionista
    #TCFTurns5 Giveaway: Step into Style With the Duo Boots Giveaway!
    9 years ago
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Simply Be!
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Simply Be!
    9 years ago
    Latest News
    How to Wear (and OWN) Plus Size Floral Prints in 2023
    2 days ago
    All About The Plus Bus || An Interview with Fabulous Founders, Marcy & Jen
    2 weeks ago
    Hittin’ the Beach? Check Out These Fun and Sexy 23 Plus Size Swim Cover Ups!
    3 weeks ago
    26 Super Sexy Plus Size Two-Piece Swimwear That Your Curves Need Now!
    3 weeks ago
  • Beauty
    Beauty
    Looking for the latest beauty trends, products, and makeup tips and beauty advice for plus size people?! Check out the latest beauty articles on The…
    Show More
    Top News
    Wearing Make-Up To Work, A Bad Thing?
    10 years ago
    10 Products to Fight Chub Rub
    It’s Chub Rub Season—10 Products To Battle It
    6 years ago
    PrescriptivesCustom Blend Foundation
    Celebrating 200k FB Fans- It is a Spring #TCFStyle Giveaway with Prescriptives!
    9 years ago
    Latest News
    I Survived Going to a (fully nude) Korean Spa as a Plus Size Babe!
    1 week ago
    The Best 2023 Planners to Keep You Organized and Help You Reach Your Goals!
    5 months ago
    13 Last Minute Beauty Gifts Everyone is Sure to Love
    5 months ago
    TCF Gift Guide: 15 Beauty Stocking Stuffers to Wow and Amaze Your Loved Ones!
    6 months ago
  • Wellness
    Wellness
    Let’s talk about self-care, self-love, body image, and related topics to wellness and life as a plus size person!
    Show More
    Top News
    Torrid's Feature of Tiffany from On The Fatwalk
    The Enabling of Self Loathers and Shame – A Facebook Observation of Torrid
    11 years ago
    Rescue Stress relief
    Finding My Own Rescue Remedy & Taking Better Care of Myself…
    7 years ago
    Plus Size Lingerie: Hips and Curves
    Confidence, Sex, and the Plus Size Woman pt.1
    11 years ago
    Latest News
    Leave Some For Me! Why Viral Trends are Harming the Plus Size Community
    2 days ago
    Changing Focus to Celebrate Joyful Movement
    1 week ago
    The Plus Strut 5K is Back!
    1 month ago
    6 Tips for Finding a Fat Positive Doctor
    1 month ago
  • Lifestyle
    Lifestyle
    There is so much more to a plus size fashion lover and we are highlighting the various topics from home, to dating and beyond in…
    Show More
    Top News
    Open Letter Tim Gunn
    An Open Letter: Dear Tim Gunn, Let’s Make It Work
    10 years ago
    2017 MTV Move & TV Awards, chrissy metz, plus size celebrity
    ‘I Wear What I Want, When I Want’: Chrissy Metz Slays In Red at the 2017 MTV Movie & TV Awards
    6 years ago
    Metallic Curves by Photographer Silvana Denker
    Plus Size Art: Metallic Curves by Photographer Silvana Denker
    6 years ago
    Latest News
    Changing Focus to Celebrate Joyful Movement
    1 week ago
    I Survived Going to a (fully nude) Korean Spa as a Plus Size Babe!
    1 week ago
    Plus Size and Pregnant? Yay!! Here’s Where to Shop for the BEST Plus Size Maternity Swimsuits
    1 month ago
    6 Tips for Finding a Fat Positive Doctor
    1 month ago
  • Culture
    Culture
    Yes there is a plus size culture and we are here to share and celebrate it from entertainment to movies, we are talking about it!…
    Show More
    Top News
    25 women of color e1615188552216
    25 Women Of Color Who Paved The Way for Body Positivity & Plus Size Fashion
    2 years ago
    Dear Terri, Ven Budhu, and Project Runway….
    11 years ago
    Plus+ Coffee table book
    Because We Love a Great Book, Here are 30+ Plus Size Centered Must-Reads! 
    5 years ago
    Latest News
    Hollywood Needs to Follow Suit: The Harmful Use of Fatsuits in Media
    1 month ago
    Get To Know The Big Grrrls Cast! The Plus Size Dancers Competing For A Spot On Stage.
    1 year ago
    6 Easy Date Ideas For Every Budget
    1 year ago
    The Unfiltered Brilliance of Ryan Ken Acts
    1 year ago
  • Shop TCF
  • Events
    • TCFStyle Brunch Series
Search TCF
More
  • Events
    • TCFStyle Brunch Series
  • Curvy & Plus Size Fashion Resources
  • About The Curvy Fashionista
  • Advertising
  • Contact
© 2008- 2023 · by TCFStyle Media · All Rights Reserved ·
Reading: Guest Post: Accepting Compliments and Damn You’re Hot
Aa
The Curvy FashionistaThe Curvy Fashionista
  • News
  • Style
  • Beauty
  • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
  • Culture
  • Shop TCF
  • Events
Search TCF
  • About
  • News
  • Style
  • Shopping
  • Wellness
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Write for TCF
  • Contact
Sign In Sign In
Follow US
  • Login
  • Community Guidelines
  • Style Star Ambassadors
  • TCFStyle Influencer Network
  • Advertise With Us
  • Contact
© 2008- 2021 · by TCFStyle Media · All Rights Reserved ·
Wellness

Guest Post: Accepting Compliments and Damn You’re Hot

Guest Blogger
Last updated: 02/05/2013
By Guest Blogger 6 Min Read
Share
Take a compliment

Note from Marie: I met Danielle Dowling at a conference last year and the woman gave me life in the span of five minutes. This motivational speaker/ life coach/ amazing new friend radiates light and positivity. I HAD to share some of the fabulosity with you. I would be selfish if I didn’t! I think within a five minutes I had a breakthrough with her… and that is real.

Table of Contents
Why is it so hard to think well of ourselves?Please, accept my compliment.Damn, you’re hot.Claim your space.After all, that lipstick really does look fabulous on you.

 

- Advertisement -

I met a girlfriend for an early morning cup of coffee + conversation in West Hollywood recently. I have a handful of favorite spots that I can count on to make a sharp, bitter espresso. I arrived a few minutes early (which rarely happens) and ordered a pot of coffee while I waited for her to join me. Minutes later she came scurrying in, wide smile, long brown hair tied back and clad in athletic wear. I couldn’t help but notice how strong + fit she looked. “Hi!” We uniformly exclaimed while exchanging a healthy hug. “Wow, you look fantastic!” I told her.

“Oh, what?  Please.  No.  Are you kidding?” she says with a dismissive wave. “I really need to lose a few pounds + I only went to the gym once this week which is why I am forcing myself to go after we meet.”  “Well, I think you look great,” I exclaim, “Whatever you’re doing is working.”

“Ugh, I should be doing more,” she says.

- Advertisement -

I drop it.  We move on.It was a shame, I couldn’t help thinking.  She really did look great. But she doesn’t see it. Still not good enough.

How often does someone compliment us + we dismiss it. Run away from it. Duck + dodge as if it were an arrow headed straight for our head?

Love your Body

How many photos do we avoid because “we just don’t take a good picture”? Someone tells us they’re proud of us + we quickly respond with “Yeah, thanks but I still have to get that promotion/ lose more weight/see what the consumers think/ get better.”

- Advertisement -

Why is it so hard to think well of ourselves?

Perhaps it’s because self-regard is not something we are taught to indulge in. Who taught you not to show yourself off?

“Don’t make a fuss.” “Don’t draw attention to yourself,” our parents used to say. Maybe you even tell your own children this.

Please, accept my compliment.

You have strived for what you have acquired, where you have been, what you have lived through. Yet, you wave this off.

Please.

Stop.

“No, I’m still not yet enough,” you whisper to yourself. Self-induced amnesia run a muck  It’s time to remember. It’s time to see ourselves with kinder eyes + remember that the miles we’ve walked + the battles we’ve fought brought us to this point.

Cultivate the desire to see yourself the way we see you. Your first reaction might be to feel like this is sinful narcissism. Too often we dash through our days looking after everyone else and falling into bed without paying a small but significant homage to where we shined that day, who we shined for.

And although we all worry about being too much when I sit with the question there is only one response:: You’re claiming your space.

In fact, you do look pretty killer in your workout clothes. 

empower-yourself-300x300

Damn, you’re hot.

You spent 3 weeks preparing a recent media presentation/ ebook/ online group program/ art exhibit/ dance performance + regardless of how it turns out you mustered up enough moxie + mojo to get it done + done with passion.

Claim your space.

You don’t look like you did at 22 but you’re a pretty damn sexy 37 year old. Yup, hot. You’re scared shitless for an upcoming change that will send shock waves through the rest of your life but you move ahead anyway.  Not easy. Well worth it.

Claim your space.

You don’t have all the answers. You often get things wrong. You still have a lot to learn. But despite that you’re an ‘effing good mom, entrepreneur, change agent + lover.

Fan your feathers.

Learn to take a compliment.  (+ believe it)

After all, that lipstick really does look fabulous on you.

About our Guest: Dr. Danielle Dowling, is a writer, blogger + life coach. She holds her doctorate in psychology and is an intuitive strategist who works with women leaders who are ready to stop compromising on the things that matter most — self-realization, soulful companionship + accessing your innate power. Her goal is to inspire women to live inspiring lives; to help her experience a life better lived and to help her achieve her dreams whatever they may be.

You can catch Danielle giving soo much inspiration on Facebook! Please LIKE HER PAGE NOW! You can also catch her tweeting here, @ddowling_ Isn’t she amazing? I frigging adore her!!!

What did you think? How many times do you brush off compliments? Why do you do it? Have you ever thought about it?

TAGGED: body image, Guest Blogger, self acceptance, self esteem, self love
Share This Article
Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Email Copy Link Print
10 Comments 10 Comments
  • Guest says:
    February 5, 2013 at 7:33 am

    Love! I needed this!

    Reply
    • Marie Denee says:
      February 5, 2013 at 7:47 am

      Yeah I am happy you liked it! 🙂 I felt it perfect right before Valentines- YES? 

      Reply
  • Carolyn West says:
    February 5, 2013 at 7:58 am

    I think it’s taken me 47 years to learn how to just accept a compliment. It really isn’t something I was used to growing up – didn’t get a lot of them. It takes so much more effort to dismiss it than to just accept it. And damn… a compliment DOES feel good.

    Reply
    • Marie Denee says:
      February 5, 2013 at 9:21 am

      DOesnt it?!?!

      Reply
  • Lua says:
    February 5, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Great post! I’ve been told before that I don’t take compliments well. I’ve tried to be better about it, but my question is: what IS the appropriate way to take a compliment? Is a simple “Thank You” enough?

    Reply
    • Marie Denee says:
      February 6, 2013 at 8:29 am

      THAT is the perfect start! 

      Reply
  • MizMeliz says:
    February 6, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    This post is great! I want to save it and read it whenever I let myself get to that point. I was taught to accept compliments graciously but this digs deeper and helps me to see how I honestly deserve a pat on the back now and then. Thank you! You are a great life coach Debbie!

    Reply
  • Pramache says:
    February 7, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Excellent Advice!  I always feel awkward when people compliment me, EVEN if it is professionally!  I feel weird when my husband compliments me!

    Reply
  • Teresa Thomason says:
    February 8, 2013 at 7:11 am

    I’ve taught myself to look my complimentor in the eye, smile, and say “thank you” when I receive a compliment. I’ve learned not to dissect it, dismiss it, or argue about it. I figure there are going to be plenty of times when I’m not looking my best, or performing at my best, so I’m going to treasure the compliments when I get them.
    I’ve also learned to make the effort to offer up compliments when they are deserved. I compliment friends when they look especially pretty or pulled together, but I also go out of my way to offer compliments to strangers when I notice a particularly great looking item of clothing, or an interesting combination that I wouldn’t have thought of myself. I happen to love getting these out-of-the-blue comments from strangers, so I want to pay it forward. I also want to encourage the stylish people I meet to keep on being stylish, because I really just enjoy seeing it out there in the world. Just be sure you mean it when you say it.

    Reply
  • Vicky Harris says:
    April 16, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    I used to “accept” compliments in a somewhat awkward manner, as if the compliment doesn’t make sense to me. I would answer, like, “Oh. Thank you?” Like I was asking, “Are you sure you’re talking about me?” I wasn’t used to being complimented over my beauty because, well, I didn’t consider myself beautiful.
    These days, I accept them with grateful thanks and a bright smile mostly because someone was being kind, something that is almost rare with people these days. Though I’m not fully accepting of myself, I don’t dismiss beauty compliments as I used to.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest News

leave some for me plus size thrifting - @theplusbus
Body Politics

Leave Some For Me! Why Viral Trends are Harming the Plus Size Community

- Advertisement -

You May Also Enjoy

leave some for me plus size thrifting - @theplusbus
Body Politics

Leave Some For Me! Why Viral Trends are Harming the Plus Size Community

mightymurphin By mightymurphin
Joyful Movement
Health and Fitness

Changing Focus to Celebrate Joyful Movement

mightymurphin By mightymurphin
plus size woman getting a spa treatment- Korean Spa Experience
Lifestyle

I Survived Going to a (fully nude) Korean Spa as a Plus Size Babe!

Jillian Pfennig By Jillian Pfennig
The Plus Strut 5K
Fashion Events

The Plus Strut 5K is Back!

Kara "Juicy" Johnson By Kara "Juicy" Johnson
@yrfatfriend - fat positive doctor
Health and Fitness

6 Tips for Finding a Fat Positive Doctor

mightymurphin By mightymurphin
@broadwaybopo - fatsuits in media
Body Politics

Hollywood Needs to Follow Suit: The Harmful Use of Fatsuits in Media

mightymurphin By mightymurphin
  • About
  • Advertise
  • Contribute
  • Subscribe
  • Contact
  • Privacy
  • Affiliate Disclosure
Reading: Guest Post: Accepting Compliments and Damn You’re Hot
The Curvy FashionistaThe Curvy Fashionista
Follow US
© 2008- 2023 · by TCFStyle Media · All Rights Reserved ·
The Curvy Fashionista Logo
Welcome Back!

Please Sign in to Your Account

Lost your password?