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I was talking to a friend about life after a breakup and how much baggage I’ve carried with me since I’ve moved on. Shockingly, I realized that I am somewhat a bag lady myself- metaphorically speaking. I thought I let a lot of things go, but in this instance, this conversation, I recognized I hadn’t.
How many potential mates had I let get away because of my bad experience with my ex? I stumbled through my mind thinking about all the dates I unknowingly sabotaged. Ouch. So I wanted to talk to you all about some of the things we drag with us post relationship. This is not not just a woman thing. Men have baggage too! I am a witness to that! Let me share and tell you what I mean… Here goes nothing!
Where do I/we begin?
On Baggage and pebbles in the shoe…
I was on a first date a while back, having dinner and our conversation steered to jealousy. Now I’m not nor have I ever been the jealous type, but when my date stated that she didn’t like when her calls weren’t returned in a certain amount of time. Abruptly, I stopped her and told her that this wasn’t going to work. Paid the bill, took her home, never to see her again.
Sounds harsh but, my radar went off! My ex was jealous type and I wanted no part of that! I immediately went into defensive mode. I know that sounds harsh, but I unfortunately allowed my past experience obliterate any potential relationship with this attractive and successful woman. I didn’t hear anything else she said and this was my loss.
I realize now, when I do meet a woman, I automatically look for warning signs, instead off what positives she may have. I check for attitude, whether she curses too much, if she is too emotional or how combative she can be. Can we agree to disagree in a conversation?
It saddens me that my past follows me around like a puppy. Knowing I am the one who has allowed this to happen and am the one who suffers.
So I had to break my pattern.
I had to go out on a limb and let a woman get to know me and I her. I had to exercise past demons and allow for someone to heal some of those wounds. I also had to put aside my pride and realize there are no perfect people. Everyone has their own share of problems; it’s how those problems manifest in your life that matter.
How can we win this race looking back over our shoulder with the finish line in front of us?
Dropping our anger, frustration, and unhappiness can only benefit us, not hurt us. Letting go of everything is near impossible but it starts with one thing and gradually the second, third, and the fourth thing. Let’s try and not let that a#*hole ruin more of your life than they already have. We have a choice live thru the windshield or the rearview; and I will bet the windshield view is so much better.
Shake it off! Get counseling, seek your pastor, find a friend, whatever u gotta do!
Don’t throw away the shoe because it has a pebble in it. Rock the Hell outta those shoes, as if they are new!
Share with us, How do you unpack YOUR baggage?