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On How Fat Shaming Gave Me My Confidenceโ€ฆ

Jazzy by Jazzy
6 years ago
Reading Time: 4 mins read
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How Fat Shaming Taught me To Love My Body
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Fat shaming gave me my confidence! Sounds crazy, right? As a plus-size woman, I have heard some of the ugliest words spoken about me and my body. All harsh stereotypes that plague society.

It was no easy task walking confidently through this world as a young, black chubby girl. In the words of my mother, โ€œyou have three strikes against you: youโ€™re black, youโ€™re a woman, and youโ€™re plus size.โ€

Unfortunately, she was right because life was not giving out any handouts to someone like me.

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So how did I do it? How did I navigate through an anti-fat world andย turn unflattering labels to a badge of courage?

I learned to love me, all of me. I didnโ€™t allow negative to break me. They hurt at times, but I wouldnโ€™t let peopleโ€™s ugly views of plus size people shape me.ย 

Navigating in an Anti-Fat World

How Fat Shaming Taught me To Love My Body

My first experience with fat shaming happened in elementary school. Kids can be so cruel at times and it can be hard to ignore them. I have heard it all, โ€œfat girls canโ€™t be cheerleaders,โ€ โ€œyouโ€™re too fat to play tag,โ€ and etc.

I always did my best to not allow what was said affect me too much.

But no matter how much I chose to turn the other cheek,ย  I knew I was โ€œdifferent.โ€ I was usually always the biggest kid in my class. My mom reminded me that โ€œthey talked about Jesus Christโ€ and then sprinkled in โ€œthe best way to shut someone up is to pop them in their mouth.โ€

She was definitely a fighter, not a lover. Overlooking the โ€œKnuck if you buckโ€ advice, I did my best to apply her words. I also internalized that God didnโ€™t make any mistakes in me.ย 

Other incidences would come from family members. Sometimes, I would do my back-to-school shopping with my grandparents and my grandmother made it her mission to let the entire store know my size.

โ€œJas, youโ€™re a 22 right? They donโ€™t usually carry sizes that big.โ€

Initially, I would be so embarrassed and tried everything to actually get away from her in the store. The worst times would be trying on clothes, โ€œif it doesnโ€™t fit, then you should stop eating.โ€ Not realizing that every cut in denim was not made equally.

At the time, โ€œfat shamingโ€ wasnโ€™t a recognized thing

But I knew how I felt anytime I went shopping with her. That feeling grew to my fear of wearing jeans because I never wanted to figure out if they actually fit.

I was the โ€œfat family memberโ€ and it sucked. I quickly realized if I was going to endure my grandmotherโ€™s antics, then why not turn it into my own? After a while, I walked into the stores confidently waiting for the comments about my size to be made.

And whenever she would state they didnโ€™t carry my size, I replied with, โ€œOh well. I guess it needs to be custom made for me. Whereโ€™s the catalog?โ€

You know the catalogโ€ฆ where you ordered โ€œspecial sizesโ€ aka plus size clothing.ย 

Shopping spree

Youโ€™re Pretty for a Big Girl

As I got older, the biggest issue I ran into from naysayers was in reference to boys. Girls constantly made comments like โ€œhow did someone like her pull him?โ€ or โ€œwhy did you give her your jersey, she will just stretch it out.โ€

First of all, it is called personality and so what if I stretch out his jersey. Now, some of the boys were no better. I would deal with comments like โ€œyouโ€™re cute for a big girl.โ€

Sir, if you donโ€™t get that WEAK mess up out of here!

As if big girls couldnโ€™t be pretty?

Societyโ€™s norms really had people thinking that beauty did not come in anyone over a size 2 and it was frustrating.ย 

So you can imagine how my world changed when I discovered Torrid. We had just moved to California and I decided to explore the local mall.

When I tell you, I could NOT contain myself when I walked into that store. You have to understand that there werenโ€™t many options for young plus size girls.

The plus size stores either catered to an older crowd or only existed through a catalog. Torrid represented girls who looked like me and their clothes were fabulous.

A big girl safe haven where I wanted my size called out. Talk about a confident boost!ย 

Big mama got this
Image via Google

Understand that everyoneโ€™s journey to โ€œself-loveryโ€ is different. That if you are still learning to love all of you, that is ok. I accepted a long time ago that I was fat and not to hate that word so much.

I can admit that I do not always have good days when it comes to looking in the mirror. Then I remember not to beat myself up and to continue to give myself the love I deserve.

Each day I fall in love more with every curve, roll, and stretch mark.

Where are you in your self-love journey? What was one way you overcame fat shaming? Letโ€™s discuss in comments belowโ€ฆย 

Tags: body confidenceBody Shamingfat shamingself confidence
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Jazzy

Jazzy

Jasmine Franklin is a Staff Writer who focuses on relationships, plus-size positive topics, and opinion pieces. She is a multi-hyphenate writer with over ten years of professional writing experience. Her journey extends over multiple industries - grant writing, journalism, and marketing content. Jasmineโ€™s work has been featured in several publications, including xoNecole, Blavity, and Black Health Matters. When Jasmine isnโ€™t writing for TCF, she focuses on writing scripts. Jasmine aims to normalize stories and faces like her in television and film. She recently wrapped the second season of a nationally televised series on AMCโ€™s ALLBLK. In addition to writing, Jasmine enjoys traveling abroad, learning German, and watching horror movies. She graduated from the illustrious Clark Atlanta University, where she earned her B.A. in Marketing. Jasmine also has a certification in Search Engine Optimization.

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Comments 2

  1. Philli says:
    6 years ago

    I needed this. Also growing up โ€œthe fat oneโ€, I thought I had to compensate for my size by either having a โ€œgoodโ€ personality, being best dressed, or just being so quiet and in my shell that I fell under the radar. I thought fat girls made enough waves simply for being big. So I never felt comfortable enough to just be me. This just reminded me that the world, society, others, etc., are going to talk regardless, so why not gove them something to talk about?

    Reply
  2. Pat Thacker says:
    5 years ago

    So very encouraging! Iโ€™m also a fat woman and Iโ€™ve been shamed often right now Iโ€™m not loving my fat self but Iโ€™m trying I see so many fat women on Instagram and they have such confidence gosh how I want to get there. Iโ€™m gaining weight and I canโ€™t stand it I mean I sit and cry and wonder if thereโ€™s anyone else like me and Iโ€™m sure there is Iโ€™m not alone and I know Iโ€™ll get to where Iโ€™m loving all of my fat self! Thanks so much for sharing!โค๏ธโค๏ธ

    Reply

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