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EssieGolden Weighs in On Confidence and Accepting Love Interests

Marie Denee by Marie Denee
10 years ago
Reading Time: 3 mins read
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plus size blogger Essie Golden
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You want me??? Are you sure??

YES! Ladies, letโ€™s sit down and talk about a very important topic; men and/or women being attracted to you.ย  I remember the first time a person, one whom I never thought would be attracted to me, approached me.

I was with a group of my friends and was dressed to the T! I had my high heels on, and my hair and makeup were on point. We were laughing and drinking when this guy approached us.

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He said โ€œHeyโ€ to everyone, and made eye contact with me. He asked my name, and if Iโ€™d like a drink.ย  I literally thought he was talking to someone else, so not only did I lean to the side to be sure, but I also looked around to see who else he couldโ€™ve been talking to.

My friends laughed, and told me he was talking to me. The next sentence out of my mouth was, โ€œAre you sure?โ€ He said, โ€œI think so, unless youโ€™re crazy.โ€

Ladies the following questions should NEVERย be asked toย someone who is interested in you:

Have you ever been with a big girl?

Can you handle me?

Why do you like me?

Is this a joke?

Fat girls used to be considered easy targets, becauseย obviouslyย our bodies were ugly and it was often assumed that weย had low self-esteem and didnโ€™t love ourselves. People are shocked when they see the stereotype of the low-self-esteem-having-fat-girl steadily disappearing.

Itโ€™s time that all of us let those old insecurities go and get with the program! You can be considered fat and attractive to someone. Itโ€™s not some farfetched idea.

Itโ€™s the reality.

plus size blogger Essie Golden

I remember having a conversation with one of my friends (letโ€™s call her Pam) about her dating a plus-sized woman. She said she did it once, but never again.

When I asked if it have to do with the womanโ€™s body, she said, no. It had more to do with her insecurities, and โ€œfake confidence.โ€

They met at a party, and the woman (letโ€™s call her Gina) was literally the life of the party.ย ย Gina looked good, smelled great, and had the attitude of a size 4 model, which Pam was super attracted to.

They went on a few good dates, but after a while it got weird. Gina kept making fun of Pamโ€™s previous skinny girlfriends. She kept asking Pam things like, โ€œAre you sure you like me? Can you handle me? You know Iโ€™m fat right?โ€

At first, Pam didnโ€™t mind, but after a while it became exhausting having to prove to Gina that she wanted to be there, and that she didnโ€™t care about what everyone else thought about her larger frame.

Plus size blogger Essie GoldenYou see where I am going with this?

What makes us attract such amazingly beautiful people, only to turn them down? Is itย because we feel itโ€™s some kind of a high school joke? ย BUT, that is not the joke.

Maybe the joke is on those of us who haveย convinced ourselves and the world that we are NOT deserving of all these things we pineย for.

Things like being treated with respect and having a level playing field with our smaller counter parts in all facets of life, from fashion to dating. Maybe we really donโ€™t think we are worthy of these things.

BUT, you ARE WORTHYย of these things!

As humans our tastes in everything changes. Our clothes change, our dreams change, our friends change.

Who we are attracted to throughout our lives change too. When I was a child I crushed on cartoon characters.

In my teen years I loved boy bands and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (judge me).ย ย Now at the awesome age of 28 (LOL) my taste in people is completely different.

So why would we find it hard to believe that someone who normally dates someone smaller, taller, bigger (or whatever you want to insert there), wouldnโ€™t evolve too?ย ย Accept that theyโ€™ve found something theyโ€™reย attracted to, in YOU!

About Essie:ย Born in New Jersey and raised in Orlando, Essie Golden moved to New York City to pursueย her dreams of fashion. In the midst of her career, Essie Golden has become a model, a body-positive advocate, and a trusted and respected voice within the plus size community. Learn more about and read more posts at GoldenKaleidoscope.com

Want to submit a guest post? Contact us and letโ€™s talk!

Tags: confidenceEssie Goldenplus size dating
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Marie Denee

Marie Denee

Marie Denee is a digital marketing strategist, media aficionado, and plus size fashion pioneer. Known as the โ€œwalking wiki of plus-size fashion,โ€ Marie has spent over two decades empowering women to celebrate their curves while reshaping the paradigm of fashion norms. In 2008, she launched The Curvy Fashionista, a leading plus-size digital media platform, in response to systemic issues within plus-size fashion, including poor merchandising, back-of-store placement, and a lack of size-inclusive design expertise. As Editor-in-Chief, Marie and her team curate plus size wardrobe and style options from top fashion brands, deliver inclusive news content, and host community-centered events virtually and in person.

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Comments 8

  1. KaLeah says:
    10 years ago

    Come through, Essie! Youโ€™re absolutely right! (And thank you for acknowledging we donโ€™t all like boys. The concept is the same either way.)

    Reply
    • Marie Denee says:
      10 years ago

      YES. Didnt she bring it?!?! Loved this sooo much that I had to have her share it here!

      Reply
  2. Mackenzie says:
    10 years ago

    Such a great article. I still struggle with that little insecure voice in my head when I start seeing someone. โ€œDoes he really like me, even though Iโ€™m a fat girl?โ€ I have my little moment, then I shake that off and remind myself that Iโ€™m awesome and worthy of attention and love. Again, awesome read!

    Reply
    • Marie Denee says:
      10 years ago

      YES maโ€™am. YES.

      Reply
  3. mel says:
    10 years ago

    Essie this was a great read and well said.

    Reply
  4. Audrey says:
    10 years ago

    Iโ€™ve been struggling with this. Thank you for the boost!

    Reply
  5. Trish says:
    10 years ago

    Found so much strength from reading this! Thank you!!!!

    Reply
  6. Pamela says:
    10 years ago

    Great article! At the ripe old age of 52 Iโ€™m just now beginning to accept myself as I am right now and live life to the fullest. It makes me happy to see the younger women getting this. We waste too much time not loving and accepting ourselves. Thank you!

    Reply

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