We have all been there. You are feeling yourself in a new power suit, the lighting in your bedroom is hitting just right, and you decide to hop on the feed for a quick hit of inspiration. Five minutes later, you are spiraling because a stranger on the internet has a flatter stomach, a bigger closet, or a vacation home in Santorini.
Suddenly, your power suit feels a little less powerful, and your main character energy has been swapped for a supporting role in someone else’s story. It is the ultimate vibe killer, and it is a phenomenon we need to talk about with the honesty of a best friend and the vision of a Creative Director.
Comparison is not just a bad habit; it is a distraction from the masterpiece you are currently building. In the plus size world, we have fought so hard to be seen, but somewhere along the way, we started looking at each other to see if we were “doing it right.”
Whether it is checking the shape of someone’s hips or the thickness of their wallet, comparison in the plus size community is the thief that sneaks in and robs you of the joy you worked so hard to cultivate. It is time to put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror. You are the blueprint, not the carbon copy.
The Science of Why We Spiral
Before we break down the list, let’s get into the “why” behind the “ouch.” Comparison is actually a psychological survival mechanism called Social Comparison Theory. According to Psychology Today, “Comparison can be a motivator, but when it leads to feelings of inadequacy, it becomes a psychological burden”. When we look to others to gauge our own value, we are essentially outsourcing our self-esteem.
In the plus size community, this is amplified because we are often trying to fit into a “new” standard of beauty while still unlearning the old ones. Research suggests that frequent social comparison is linked to lower self-esteem and higher bouts of social anxiety. Basically, your brain is trying to find where you fit in the pack, but it is using a broken GPS to do it.
10 Ways We Let Comparison Crash the Party
1. The “Whose Belly is Flatter” Battle
Size comparison is the most frequent offender. We often look at other plus size women and think, “I would be confident too if my weight was distributed like that.” But as the National Eating Disorders Association notes, “Body diversity is natural and expected. Your shape is your own, not a point of competition.
2. The Financial Flex
Seeing a creator drop a $3,000 haul while you are budgeting for a grocery run is a major stressor. Financial comparison makes us feel like we can only be “fashionable” if we have a bottomless bank account. Luxury is a mindset, not just a price tag.
3. The Health and Fitness Olympics
There is a massive amount of health and fitness comparison stress in our spaces. Whether it is who is in the gym, and who is on GLP-1 or opted for weight loss surgery, remember that your wellness journey is a private conversation between you and your body.
4. The Relationship Status Pressure
Seeing “Plus Size Couple Goals” can trigger relationship status pressure stress. If you are single or in a complicated spot, it feels like you are missing a piece of the “happy plus size woman” puzzle. Your relationship status is a season, not a final grade.
5. The “Perfect” Wardrobe Envy
We compare our closets to those of women who are sent free clothes for a living. It is easy to feel like you have nothing to wear when you compare your real-life wardrobe to a professional’s curated collection.
6. The Level of Visibility
Sometimes we compare the number of likes or followers someone else has. We feel like if we aren’t “visible” or “viral,” our message doesn’t matter. Your impact is measured by the lives you touch, not the data on an app.
7. The “Small Fat” vs. “Big Fat” Hierarchy
If we are going to be real, we have to talk about the internal gatekeeping that happens within our own ranks. There is this sneaky, often unspoken comparison between “small fat” and “big fat” bodies that creates a weird hierarchy of who is “acceptably” plus size.
We see women who fit into standard plus size retail sizes being pitted against those who require extended sizing or have different body proportions. It’s as if we are trying to decide who gets to sit at the table based on how much of the chair they occupy.
According to research on weight stigma and social identity, internalizing these hierarchies can actually fracture the support systems we need most. When we compare our “level” of fatness to someone else’s, we are just doing the diet industry’s work for them.
Whether you are a size 14 or a size 34, you are a valid member of this community.
8. The Travel and Lifestyle Race
If you aren’t on a beach in Bali, are you even living? Lifestyle comparison makes us feel like our everyday joys are too small. Your morning coffee in your favorite mug is just as valid as a sunset in Santorini.
9. The Career Milestone Chase
Seeing someone else land a major brand deal or a promotion can make you feel behind schedule. But remember, someone else’s success is not your failure. There is enough room at the top for all of us.
10. The Confidence Comparison
Ironically, we even compare our confidence levels. “She is so bold, I could never wear that.” Confidence is a muscle, not a personality trait. You don’t have to be at level ten every day to be doing a great job. Confidence is a journey, not a destination.
Reclaiming Your Sparkle
So, how do we stop the spiral? It starts with the “hey, did you know” realization that most of what you are comparing yourself to is a curated, edited, and filtered version of reality. When you catch yourself in the middle of a comparison session, ask yourself: “Does this person’s existence actually take anything away from mine?” The answer is always no.
We are in our era of abundance. Another woman’s beauty, success, or relationship does not diminish your own. By shifting your focus back to your own lane, you save all that precious energy for your own growth. You are the Creative Director of your life, and a good director knows that every star has a different light.
The Final Walk
Comparison in the plus size community will always be a temptation, but it doesn’t have to be your master. You have a unique magic that cannot be replicated or replaced. When you stop looking at the person next to you and start looking at the path in front of you, everything changes. Your joy is yours to keep, and it is far too valuable to trade for a moment of feeling “less than.”
Go forth and be your own biggest fan. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they seem compared to the internet, and remember that you are exactly where you need to be. The world doesn’t need another version of someone else; it needs the bold, witty, and unapologetic version of you.
What is one area where you have decided to stop comparing yourself and start celebrating your own path? Let’s talk about it below!
