NOTE FROM MARIE: I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine who has quite a way with words and in our conversation, he was sharing with me what he thought of plus size women and immediately I knew that I had to have him share with you, what some men are thinking about US.
SO, I realized that you all loved what our prior conversation with these two men and what they had to say about us, I thought to play around with this a little bit. Once a month, I will invite men in to share what they think, how they see us, fashion thoughts, and everything in between. So, to kick things off, please welcome DJ, our FIRST contributor as he shares a few thoughts…
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Welcome back to His2Cents, a new monthly feature to the blog, in which we share a little bit about what WE men are thinking when it comes to YOU, your body, our thoughts, and everything in between. With such a great first go round, they have brought me on as a regular contributor, and today, we are back with a reader submitted piece and I share my thoughts below:
HIS 2 CENTS: Loving Your Body and the Frustration
Today we have a submission from Mr. Theo Gordan:
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“Truth be told it’s not easy loving a curvy woman. It is down. right. hard. And before you start ranting and raving chucking any man hatting spears at me you have stored away. Let me throw in my 2cents.
It’s not easy because she will NEVER.. And I MEAN EVER fully accept the truth about me loving her body as it is. Hell, like love wasn’t hard enough breaking barriers that we all both put up. It’s that there’s nothing more sexier than her weight on her.
I study my woman because I want to know what she will never tell me. A glimpse inside her mind can be scary. The insecure feelings she bottles up when she grabs that dress at the mall. You know the ONE I picked because I think it looks eatable on her. The one that shows enough skin that will highlight her body in ways that I would see it. She looks at that dress and agrees then lifts it off the rack. In her eyes you can see the confidence drop, but she tries to hold confidence as that other woman shops a rack away.
In that dress she’s a powerhouse. She is unstoppable. My primal motives are sparked when she slips on that dress. But she can’t or won’t see that. Easily one of the most frustrating things, but hey she bought that dress anyway. To please me AND she wore it. She walks with pride because she knows her man digs it. The night plays on. And when we wake up and that dress is lying next to our bed. We’re cuddled. She asks me. “Babe… Do you like my body?
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God… The frustration”
I read the submission by Mr. Theo Gordan, and I must say I completely understand that frustration. The women we love have a hard time understanding how we can love their bodies when they may not. How we can find them sexy when they see themselves as not sexy? My experience in this scenario was life changing for her and myself.
I would ask her why do you think you’re not sexy? I would get this answer:
“My muffin top, my back is too wide, my chest doesn’t stand as it used to, my face is too round, my ass doesn’t look good in my jeans, and my stomach pokes out.”
I said wow, that’s a mouthful.
I asked, can you see anything beautiful about yourself at all? A few things she says, I like my eyes, my smile, my toes, my hair, that’s about it, I chuckled inside and said “wow” how can you not see your sex appeal?!
In that instant I realized that women see themselves completely different than we see them as men. We can’t force them to see themselves as we do, but we have to encourage, compliment and love on them constantly. We have to help them realize how beautiful they are even if they don’t think so.
Lastly, I want to say to you ladies, if you take nothing from this, step back and realize the men who really love you, love all of you, curves and all!
Don’t push us away! Us men that have or had plus sized women, LOVE your bodies.
Recognize that love ladies, accept it use it and maybe one day you will see that we love the woman you are, more than you hate yourself.
Are you a man who would love to share your Two Cents and want to chime in? Have a plus size wife or girlfriend or someone you adore and want to share? Shoot us an email here, with H2C in the Subject!
I am that girl who was told by family members you have a pretty face, I never understood that growing up, why would family say things like that to a child. I was picked on called many fat names and I would tough it out and then get home and cry to my mom. But as I got older and men notice me and the confidence I have, it was something totally different, I me the love of my life and 17 and he always told me I was pretty and he loved all of me. After 25 years, he still tells me that and I am very comfortable with all my curves and hills, God made me like this and your not suppose to question God. So I know that we all as plus size women go thru struggles with what me see in the mirror, we might not like it but we carry it well and we hold our heads up. Be who you are and carry yourself as a fabulous plus size beauty. Marie is a great example for as so many other plus size women. We are not hiding anymore, we are here to stay. Blessings to all my plus size beauties….Love Felicia (FeliciasLovingHerLife) yt and G+
YES HONEY!!!!!!!! We are not hiding anymore, we are here to stay! Two snaps! I love that he still tells you this. This is always a great reinforcement and support system to have! 🙂
As a plus size woman, I can relate to the article in that i nitpick all the things I don’t like about my body and how I look. It has gotten to the point where I am uncomfortable dating or putting myself out there because of my own insecurities. I have been single for a while because I am not comfortable in my own skin. I want to be more confident because I see a lot of beautiful plus size beauties out there but I find it hard.
Baby steps! Positive affirmations! If this means you have to write this on your mirror, post notes on your wall, do this love. Surround yourself with friends who share positive relations with their body and yours as well! It is all about positive messages… Sending you love and light boo!
I love this post and if my friends could all read and understand English I would be sharing this like crazy.
Why do I love it? Because there is so much truth in it and I can relate to what you are saying. It is not easy loving your body when you are constantly faced with ideals that are not appliable to you.
Today for example, I received a parcel from a purchase I made online: a dress and some tights.
I tried on the dress and wow! Some time ago I would not have dared wear something as tight as this dress but it just showed off my silhoutte. I looked in the mirror and felt like a million bucks!!! Then I tried on the tights (the biggest size that this plus size retailer had): they did not fit. And this is my mission imposible: find tights that fit someone who is tall AND curvy even when shopping in plus size stores! Isn’t it a contradiction? This episode just brought me down and made me poke at my tights just minutes after I was floating on my own awesomeness
If I have a hard time with it… imagine someone next to me!