Let’s clear something up right now. Feeling like you take up too much space is not a personality flaw. It is a learned response. Curvy women are taught early and often that our bodies are inconvenient, our presence is noticeable in ways we should apologize for, and our confidence needs to come with volume control. But here is the truth that rarely gets said out loud. The discomfort you feel about taking up space has nothing to do with your worth or your ability to command the room.
Commanding the room is not about becoming louder, sharper, or harder. It is about grounding yourself in the knowledge that you belong exactly where you are. When you stop shrinking to accommodate imagined discomfort, everything shifts. Your posture changes. Your voice steadies. Your ideas land differently. Learning how to command the room is less about performance and more about permission, specifically the permission you give yourself.
First Things First, Drop the Apology Tour
Pay attention to how often you say sorry when you have done nothing wrong. Sorry for squeezing past someone. Sorry for needing a chair. Sorry for existing audibly and visibly. Those apologies add up, and they quietly reinforce the idea that your presence is a burden.
Replacing unnecessary apologies with neutral language or no language at all is a small but radical act. You do not need to announce your body or justify your movement through the world. Walking into a space with intention, without commentary, is one of the quickest ways to command the room before you even speak.
Notice how people who expect to belong move. They take up the space offered to them without negotiation. You are allowed to do the same. No shrinking required.
Dress Like the Authority You Already Are
Fashion is not frivolous. It is communication. When you dress to disappear, the message you send to yourself and others is that you are optional. Clothing that fits, supports, and reflects your energy changes how you occupy space.
This is not about following rules or dressing to be palatable. It is about dressing with intention. Structure can project authority. Color can project confidence. Movement-friendly fabrics can project ease. The point is not to minimize your body but to align your outer presentation with how you want to feel when you command the room.
When you feel good in what you are wearing, you stop adjusting yourself. You stop tugging, hiding, and bracing. That ease reads as confidence, whether or not you feel it yet.
Say It Like You Mean It, Because You Do
Commanding the room has very little to do with volume and everything to do with clarity. If you have spent years softening yourself, your speech patterns may be doing more apologizing than you realize. Phrases like I think, maybe, just, or sorry but quietly drain authority from your ideas.
This does not mean you need to sound rigid or aggressive. It means trusting your thoughts enough to state them plainly. Your ideas do not need qualifiers to be valid. Speaking with intention and finishing your sentences without retreating builds presence quickly.
Practice helps. So does slowing down. A measured pace communicates confidence far more effectively than rushing to be done.
Emotional Space Is Still Space
Learning how to command the room also means claiming emotional space. That looks like expressing needs without over-explaining. Setting boundaries without cushioning them for comfort. Allowing silence to exist without rushing to fill it.
Many of us were taught to manage the emotional temperature of every room we enter. That level of hyper awareness is exhausting and unnecessary. When you stop over-accommodating, some people may feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is not a failure. It is an adjustment.
Your feelings, reactions, and boundaries deserve the same respect you offer others. Emotional presence is part of commanding the room, not an obstacle to it.
Leadership Is Not a Size or a Sound
There is a persistent myth that leadership looks one way. Loud. Lean. Unquestioned. Reality tells a different story. The most impactful leaders influence spaces rather than dominate them. They bring clarity, vision, and steadiness.
Commanding the room does not require overpowering it. It requires understanding your value and refusing to dilute it. Leadership can look like asking the right question. Creating room for others. Naming what is being avoided. Your body does not disqualify you from leadership. Your lived experience strengthens it.
Let Your Body Back You Up
Your body speaks before you do. Posture, eye contact, and stillness communicate confidence long before words enter the equation. You do not need to perform dominance. You just need to stop folding in on yourself.
Sit fully in your chair. Plant your feet. Relax your shoulders. Lift your gaze. These small adjustments signal self-trust, even when nerves are present. Over time, your body catches up to the confidence you are practicing.
Research suggests that posture can influence self-perception and confidence, supporting the mind-body connection that many of us intuitively feel. Sources like the American Psychological Association have explored how physical stance impacts emotional state.
Build Receipts, Not Doubt
Imposter syndrome thrives in silence. Combat it with evidence. Keep track of your wins, feedback, and moments of impact. Before entering spaces that make you feel small, remind yourself why you are there.
Commanding the room is easier when you remember that your presence is earned, not accidental. Confidence is not arrogance. It is accuracy.
Stop Waiting to Be Invited
No one is coming to hand you permission. If you are waiting to feel ready, qualified, or approved, you will be waiting forever. Confidence is built through action, not the other way around.
Start small. Speak once. Take the seat. Wear the thing. Each choice reinforces the next. Discomfort does not mean danger. It means growth.
Your Perspective Is the Asset
Navigating the world in a curvy body teaches resilience, adaptability, and empathy. These are leadership skills. Your perspective is not baggage. It is valuable. When you command the room from a place of authenticity, people respond to the truth in it.
Rooms need voices that understand exclusion so they can create inclusion. Your experience matters more than you were ever told.
Your Space Is Not Up for Debate
Commanding the room is not about changing who you are. It is about refusing to carry the shame you were handed. Your body is not too much. Your presence is not excessive. Your voice is not optional.
Take the space. Hold it. Expand into it. You were never meant to disappear.
What does commanding the room look like for you right now?
