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Learning to Love Myself- A Process

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Love Yourself Hey girl hey! I hope you are doing well in this month of love, as we have spoken about topics that ring close to home all month- self-love, having love, giving love and I wanted to jump in a bit and talk about this- without all of the fluff.

Can we do that?

I mean, I share posts of others, post pictures of myself to share my personal style, and let others take the reins to give and share a few tips… but today, I wanted to talk to YOU. Something I hadn’t really shared on the blog that much, I may hint at things, share tidbits, but opening up and serving it to you raw? NOPE. I admittedly have been a bit afraid… So here we go.

These past two years have been transformational for me personally…

Finding my father and finally meeting him and dealing with those emotional layers. Processing those. Dealing with my issues of abandonment and being a people pleaser? Walked slowly through that. Healing from a strained relationship with my mother from my teen years? Realized that. All the while, I really had to dig deep down to find me, learn, and LOVE me. And I wanted to do this, because if I wanted to love, to have a husband, future boo, someone who I could grow old with, I had to also learn how to receive love. In order to do that, I needed to deal, heal, and reveal the real issues I was not addressing.

I needed to LOVE Marie. 

Learning to Love Myself And it was a challenge.

So last year, I had a theme:

Patience. Purpose. Process.

Let me tell you! God took me through it and I didn’t fight it. I let it come and grew with and through it… maybe this is also why I am now in Atlanta…

There were times, last year, that if someone asked me how I was doing- on a bad days I would well up and if I did not care, I would let the tears flow. I was processing a lot, new emotions, old ones, suppressed ones I thought I dealt with- all of it… and I fake smiled through it all.


Patience. Purpose.Process.

So I wrote on my mirror, who I am. (Thank you Aisha) I wrote down all of the qualities I thought of myself and liked about me, until there was no more room on it and left it there. EVERYDAY, those words were visible. Every day, I looked at those words and would oftentimes say them. (Funny thing was, I could write them down, but really believing in them? THAT was the challenge.)

Last year was probably the first time in my life where I could honestly say I love me- without pause, any caveats, any conditions- but me.

The no hips having, crooked smiling, weave rocking, Beyonce dancing, goofy, mushy, extra, Marie.

Learning to Love Myself Yes, I write this blog about putting your best curve forward, but as much as I was telling, showing, and sharing, I was learning, listening, and taking notes too. (I effing love ya’ll BTW) I wrestled with how I was going to have this conversation with you. How I would open up and let you know that I am not always feeling confident, some days I am tired, and how I hoped that you would find some piece of useful info here on my little blog…

And I feel that a lot of this started to reflect in me stepping outside of my box to find out who I am. Interestingly enough, it started with my clothes and taking pictures! LOL. Trying new silhouettes and shapes and colors and patterns that I would not have normally rocked- having a bit of fun and OWNING IT.

A Few of My #ZapposStyle Fall Essentials by The Curvy Fashionista #TCFStyle

Wearing more separates. Playing in girly silhouettes and finding my own way of adding something to sass it up! From there, I played with my hair, tried new events, and also gave serious thought to the direction of the blog, giving YOU a place and space to share, show, and learn from others too!

My Style: I’ll Take a Two Piece and Some RebDolls- The Curvy Fashionista #TCFstyle

One thing I learned? It is important to INVEST in YOURSELF.

You see, I began investing a bit more time on and with me.

Lazy day in front of the TV? I earned it.

Standing in front of the new mirror naked? Work it!

Speaking out on things that concern me and setting boundaries? Hrmphm.

Embracing stretch marks (and other things) as my body changes? Yes ma’am.

Allowing myself to be just as vulnerable to my new best friend of a man and reveling in it? I deserve THAT. Enjoying it.

And for every positive action or revelation I had about myself, I welcomed it- even if I thought it may not be “acceptable” or “right” I owned and own it. Because, these are the things that make ME Marie.

But LOVING YOURSELF is a constant action.

Learning to Love Myself It does not stop at stepping out of my box, recognizing who I am, and owning it. It is a constant ACTION that requires work. Work on self in a fun, positive, reflective, and truthful way.

One that this blog has allowed and has blessed me with, every time that I read a comment, receive suggestions, and watch YOU grow along with me!

I am a work in progress and this year’s theme on my Vision board?

Step Into YOUR power



So as we celebrate Valentine’s Day, I ask you to STEP INTO your power and own who you are! Take the steps that work best so that YOU can love yourself a little bit more, celebrate you a little bit more, and own who you are, a little bit more! Me? i will be buying myself some flowers, wine, and hang with my homegirls! Toast to us!

I am curious about YOUR process. Did you have one? Are you working on this? Share with me your story so we can all grow together! I would really like to hear from you!

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Written by Marie Denee

I am the Editor in Chic of The Curvy Fashionista. Often goofy. Forever emo. Always a Virgo. You can find me somewhere grooving to 90s R&B.

What do you think?


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  1. Thanks for being so transparent. Many ladies out here feel the same way and perhaps just unable to express it. I promised myself that this will be the year I totally ROCK OUT and let nothing stifle me. Best wishes to you always, looking good! Smooches!

  2. I don’t usually post internet comments, but I did want to thank you for writing this. It is very brave to be this open and honest about your personal journey to self-love. Since as early as 2010, I made the claim that I was “working on myself.” Last year, I realized I had not been. I was still waiting on some magical, perfect storm of circumstances to show up in order for me to live my life. I was waiting to lose weight before I could wear this or do that. I was waiting on other people to validate who I was and how I should feel about myself. Then last year, I had to move for work to a place away from my friends and the life I had gotten comfortable in, and I had nothing but me time to realize that life is short and that it was still going on while I was waiting on something else to happen. So, I stopped waiting. I stopped letting the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my clothes define how I felt about myself. I started treating my body better. Instead of working out to lose weight, which I was never consistent with, I started working out to be kind to my body and I have been doing that consistently for months. I started trying new things without letting that internal voice of doubt talk me out of them, and I’m better for it. I even started wearing two pieces and crop tops even though I’m far from having the abs I thought I needed to look good in them. It’s a very freeing experience to learn and love yourself as you are. I have come a long way and have a long way to go, but I’m enjoying the ride. Thank you for sharing your story, and best wishes to you on your journey!

    • First off, THANK YOU MOD for sharing your journey and your process. Secondly, I am humbled and appreciative that you shared. Thank you for sharing your own realization, and how you took the steps to OWN IT and STEP INTO YOUR POWER. I am soooo happy for you! Seriously, thank you.

  3. Thank you so much for writing this, you are where I’m trying to get…I’m going through this process myself. Thank you so much for letting me realize that I’m not alone. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I was….
    From the bottom of my heart, thank you…..

  4. Marie, hey girl. Reading this had me nodding my head because I found as I read it, I could identify with some of your processing, and was happy that you are at peace with you. Its nice to read how you handled it. For me one of my biggest involves my relationship with my youngest and all her angst and growing pains, trying not to stick the words anxiety and bad and all the other identifiers that society puts on us, to her. It is a process, I learn something new about myself everyday and I’m at the acceptance stage. I have learned that accepting what I cannot change…a corny quote that others repeat and scoff at…is no joke, it is real and from that acceptance. I continue my journey. You are a person I admire and am so glad you are who you are!

  5. Great post and I celebrate your process! I can feel the love and positivity coming through your words and it’s greatly appreciated. After spending a lifetime loathing my body and ironically trying to hide by being big I am slowly but surely learning to love myself, and being grateful for this body and this life. It takes constant effort but I think you are absolutely right, there’s nothing more important. Thanks so much for your openness and your insight!

  6. I am new to your blog but I FREAKIN LOVE IT!!!!
    As for a journey…I’m still in mine…I have just now learned that negative comments from people..I don’t need that, people saying you can’t wear that at your size…I don’t need that either. I am just now learning that its ok to wear things that make me feel beautiful no matter what others might say. Also, it really is amazing how great the right outfit can make you feel. I am also thankful to have found people like you that let me know…loving myself is ok and something that needs to be done.
    Thanks for opening up in this blog…it lets some of us know we are not alone.

    • Welcome boo! XOXOXOXO
      Thank you for sharing your own personal revelations as this makes me sooooo damn happy! SOOO HAPPY. Thank you and welcome to my home, have a seat, take off your shoes, ad stay a while!

  7. Marie,

    I just want to send some hugs your way. You have no idea how much you have helped this “tall and curvy I think I lost my mojo how do I get it back and learn how to dress cute” midwesterner mom going through my own process. You are absolutely adorable and so supportive and positive. I feel the love every time I click on one of your email feeds so I’m sending lots of love back at you!

  8. Everything in our lives, good, bad, indifferent, every experience, action and thought, is driven by self love. Self love is the root of every woman’s life experience. No matter how far we go without it, u still can’t get to the finish line without it. The sad part of “self love” is some women never get it at all or are very old when they finally figure it all out.

  9. I just want to know where can i purchase the stone washed jeans with the turned up ankle cuffs. the model is wearing it with a white top and a red bag. Thanks Ange.

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