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I have to be honest. Writing today’s post was a bit emotional for me. I had to walk away from, think on, and reflect quite a few times. I never thought a birthday would make me like this, but if you haven’t seen me as chatty on Twitter, or if you haven’t really heard from me- I hope this explains it a bit!
This year, I turn 33.
I do not normally talk faith on my blog, but with this birthday, my many transitions, and where I am at- there is no way that I could talk birthdays without talking about where my faith has brought me to…
What does this birthday mean to me?
Growing up, I used to, or my mother would make big fusses over our birthdays. We HAD TO HAVE CAKE and balloons were a given. Some kind of festivity took place to celebrate our life. In my eyes, birthdays were EVERYTHING and a HUGE DEAL. Happy Birthday to Me?
However over the past few years, in my blogging life, in the world of family and friends, my birthday has taken a back seat… has become more of a “oh, yeah” while I am out and about at a show or an event… but this time around, I am in a new city, with very VERY loose plans (I think I will be at Bar One tonight), and I cannot help to feel a bit emotional about it… actually a lot a bit. But, what else is new… I have been all over the place in my emotions these past six months- going through sooo many transitions, growing both spiritually and emotionally.
Which led to my new move… New chapters huh! I moved, all by myself, to Atlanta! I mean, in the moving process, I had help- Hey Janelle, but I am now living in the Atlanta area by myself, away from fam bam. Time to really blossom and grow into this woman God wants and needs me to be!
This year, at 33, I have a closer relationship with God, following what was placed on my heart with this new move. He has been working overtime in my life these past six months. I told a few about the pending move, but not why… I had to keep it close to the heart. Leaps of faith have to be protected!
I am so blessed this year for clarity and purpose, friends and family who I adore and who are there for me, the wisdom to discern situations no matter how uncomfortable they make me, and the maturity/courage to address past hurts that could have stifled my full experience of life.
All that has happened within last year’s birthday is no accident and for that, I am grateful.
I am a grown woman. Perfectly imperfect.
So, What Does 33 Mean to Me?
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No longer asking permission, making excuses, sometimes not even caring or allowing myself to care more than I should And being okay with all of that.
I grew up, or rather my mother raised me, to marry later in life (no really, after 31 she drilled into me), so the fact that I finally look up and see myself with a cool business, single, and with no kids? It is what that is and no accident. Do I want to be married, with kids, and a family- YES. When it is my time. And quite honestly, I only recently opened myself up to be ready for a relationship- so…
Today, 33 means a certain kind of freedom- I am still figuring this one out, but so far, I like it. Like, I do not feel obliged to appease someone else or to worry about things I cannot control. It is wasted energy and time- and both are so precious.
Today, at 33, I celebrate me and do so without feeling bad, guilty, or embarrassed. I am going to go and buy myself flowers for my new place- because Stargazer lilies are in season! I will take myself to get my nails done and hopefully into a spa, because my shoulders and my air mattress- not the business right now (I need my items to HURRY UP AND ARRIVE!) and perhaps take myself out for lunch.
I will meet with a few of the homies tonight (at Bar One) for dessert and drinks- toasting to the growth and new chapter of my life- because honey… we are just getting started and I am ready!