There’s nothing like seeing a beautiful woman taking up rightfully deserved space, owning her body and feeling sexy, then you drop down to the comments and see people making hurtful comments about her weight or worse, concern trolling. Sometimes I just want to scream ‘Let Her Live!!!”
You see, through my sensual dance course, Woman Untamed, I help women reconnect to their bodies so they can let go in the bedroom (at any size). Over the last eight years as a teacher, I have had a number of women come into my classes struggling to feel good in their bodies right now.
These comments and others that they’ve heard all of their lives leave them feeling like they couldn’t or shouldn’t be open to romance, let alone pleasure. Today, I want to share with you some of my go-to tips on how to deal with people who constantly critique your weight.
How to Reject Those Nasty Comments About Your Weight and Looks
- People Who Critique Your Body Are Truly Projecting Their Own Pain
This is a lesson you might have heard someone say in passing as you were growing up “It’s not you, It’s them.” And it’s the truth! A Course In Miracles, one of the core resources in my coaching practice, talks about the idea that the ego (not to be confused with the ego talked about in psychology) thrives on separation and attack. When someone is disconnected from their power, believing in the negative self-talk that they are experiencing within themselves, the only way for that power to stay alive and thrive in their lives is by finding external situations and people to cast their darkness onto.
This separation and attack manifests itself as judgement, rude jokes and just plain ol’ picking something or someone apart. It’s a nasty behavior that we all do from time to time. The way out of this viciousness is by recognizing that when we judge, we are attempting to isolate ourselves from love as a direct result of feeling unworthy. When I talk about love I am not talking about romantic love, right now I am referring to the Spirit of God and the Divine as the all-knowing presence that wraps around us continuously. Love is that energy that generates peace, calm, joy and connection.
- In Our Defenselessness, Our Safety Lies. – A Course In Miracles (ACIM)
You are inherently a beautiful, audacious and vibrant being. That’s a truth that you have to get use to and continue to affirm for yourself. When I first learned this lesson in ACIM it immediately sparked a sense of anxiety. I thought to myself well ‘what am I supposed to do when someone does something to cause me pain? Just act like it didn’t happen?’ I struggled with this one for a long time. I thought that my power came from how quickly and viciously I was able to defend myself when someone tried to do me harm.
A Course In Miracles teaches us that when we react to someone else’s projection, we invest in the illusion of what they have said or done as a truth. And we also invest in the illusion that they should be attacked. (As I mentioned in the first tip the ego thrives on separation. It’s a hungry little monster that is nourished by keeping the cycle of pain going.)
The only way back to a place of calm and power is to starve the ego of its desires to recreate pain and confusion, completely, even in those times when it doesn’t make sense. When you can’t say anything that comes from your reservoir of peace, say nothing. Do everything you can to NOT recreate that negative energy pattern.
Let it stop with you.
- Coming Home To Your Truth and Your Power
One of the key tools that I share with my clients is the practice of coming home into your truth and power. Think about your phone, even if you have a fairly new device with a decent battery, at some point throughout the day if you do not charge it the phone will die. You can’t make calls, no text, no contact with those that matter most. Our bodies operate the same way. We have to nourish ourselves physically and emotionally otherwise our spirits begin to wither.
It’s in this withering state that we feel prone to give into the ways of the ego and start operating on a flesh level OR through the power of our spirit. We give into those negative comments made about us, we hurl our own insults forward as a way to protect ourselves. The hurling of more pain comes from a disempowering belief that what’s being said about us is true and real.
When we are in our truth, we know that we are loved, wanted, desired and beautiful because we make the commitment to seeing ourselves the way God sees us. That’s the vision that matters.
When we are dwelling in the power of our spirit we viscerally feel a sense of oneness with those around us. Giving love doesn’t feel like an exchange process, we do it just because it’s the only way we know how to survive and keep our sanity intact!
It’s time to that we fully own and step into our worthiness of love. It’s in this place that we can begin to see the desires of our hearts come to fruition. It’s in this place that we start feeling confident again. It’s in this place that we find lasting – earthly love that penetrates all the pain of our past reflecting back to us the light of our spirit.
I hope this piece resonated with you. If you feel moved, please share it with a friend.