Learning to Love Myself- A Process
Hey girl hey! I hope you are doing well in this month of love, as we have spoken about topics that ring close to home all month- self-love, having love, giving love and I wanted to jump in a bit and talk about this- without all of the fluff.
Can we do that?
I mean, I share posts of others, post pictures of myself to share my personal style, and let others take the reins to give and share a few tips… but today, I wanted to talk to YOU. Something I hadn’t really shared on the blog that much, I may hint at things, share tidbits, but opening up and serving it to you raw? NOPE. I admittedly have been a bit afraid… So here we go.
These past two years have been transformational for me personally…
Finding my father and finally meeting him and dealing with those emotional layers. Processing those. Dealing with my issues of abandonment and being a people pleaser? Walked slowly through that. Healing from a strained relationship with my mother from my teen years? Realized that. All the while, I really had to dig deep down to find me, learn, and LOVE me. And I wanted to do this, because if I wanted to love, to have a husband, future boo, someone who I could grow old with, I had to also learn how to receive love. In order to do that, I needed to deal, heal, and reveal the real issues I was not addressing.
I needed to LOVE Marie.
And it was a challenge.
So last year, I had a theme:
Patience. Purpose. Process.
Let me tell you! God took me through it and I didn’t fight it. I let it come and grew with and through it… maybe this is also why I am now in Atlanta…
There were times, last year, that if someone asked me how I was doing- on a bad days I would well up and if I did not care, I would let the tears flow. I was processing a lot, new emotions, old ones, suppressed ones I thought I dealt with- all of it… and I fake smiled through it all.
So I wrote on my mirror, who I am. (Thank you Aisha) I wrote down all of the qualities I thought of myself and liked about me, until there was no more room on it and left it there. EVERYDAY, those words were visible. Every day, I looked at those words and would oftentimes say them. (Funny thing was, I could write them down, but really believing in them? THAT was the challenge.)
Last year was probably the first time in my life where I could honestly say I love me- without pause, any caveats, any conditions- but me.
The no hips having, crooked smiling, weave rocking, Beyonce dancing, goofy, mushy, extra, Marie.
Yes, I write this blog about putting your best curve forward, but as much as I was telling, showing, and sharing, I was learning, listening, and taking notes too. (I effing love ya’ll BTW) I wrestled with how I was going to have this conversation with you. How I would open up and let you know that I am not always feeling confident, some days I am tired, and how I hoped that you would find some piece of useful info here on my little blog…
And I feel that a lot of this started to reflect in me stepping outside of my box to find out who I am. Interestingly enough, it started with my clothes and taking pictures! LOL. Trying new silhouettes and shapes and colors and patterns that I would not have normally rocked- having a bit of fun and OWNING IT.
Wearing more separates. Playing in girly silhouettes and finding my own way of adding something to sass it up! From there, I played with my hair, tried new events, and also gave serious thought to the direction of the blog, giving YOU a place and space to share, show, and learn from others too!
One thing I learned? It is important to INVEST in YOURSELF.
You see I began investing a bit more time on and with me.
Lazy day in front of the TV? I earned it.
Standing in front of the new mirror naked? Work it!
Speaking out on things that concern me and setting boundaries? Hrmphm.
Embracing stretch marks (and other things) as my body changes? Yes ma’am.
Allowing myself to be just as vulnerable to my new best friend of a man and reveling in it? I deserve THAT. Enjoying it.
And for every positive action or revelation I had about myself, I welcomed it- even if I thought it may not be “acceptable” or “right” I owned and own it. Because, these are the things that make ME Marie.
But LOVING YOURSELF is a constant action.
It does not stop at stepping out of my box, recognizing who I am, and owning it. It is a constant ACTION that requires work. Work on self in a fun, positive, reflective, and truthful way.
One that this blog has allowed and has blessed me with, every time that I read a comment, receive suggestions, and watch YOU grow along with me!
I am a work in progress and this year’s theme on my Vision board?
Step Into YOUR power
So as we celebrate Valentine’s Day, I ask you to STEP INTO your power and own who you are! Take the steps that work best so that YOU can love yourself a little bit more, celebrate you a little bit more, and own who you are, a little bit more! Me? i will be buying myself some flowers, wine, and hang with my homegirls! Toast to us!
I am curious about YOUR process. Did you have one? Are you working on this? Share with me your story so we can all grow together! I would really like to hear from you!