The Enabling of Self Loathers and Shame – A Brand’s Facebook Observation

My heart is heavy. Part of me is pissed, the other half of me is deeply saddened.

I have observed, through my blogging career a few types of plus size women:

  • ·Those who love their curves, embrace them, and ooze confidence
  • ·Those who are timid, curious, unsure and learning their way around the fashion scene

And then we have

  • ·The plus size women who hate themselves and project their own self hatred onto others
  • ·And then we those who foster this self loathing, negative spewing, and self destructive madness to happen.

 

Please bear with me, as I am quite impassioned and livid about this.

This is not the first time this has happened, NOT the first time THIS brand has allowed such a negative light to shine on plus size self expression, without stepping in and holding themselves or anyone else accountable… 

Torrid's Feature of Tiffany from On The Fatwalk

Torrid Fashion, I am talking to you. The women who so openly bash and tear down women who love their curves, take fashion risks, and step out of their box and ooze confidence- I am talking to you.

But before I go there, I share this:

Everyone will not like everything someone wears, and this is okay. I know a few who have dismissed my personal boho laidback lifestyle and this is okay. To each their own.

BUT, I do have an issue when a brand features or shares a post of a plus size woman on their site, wearing their clothes, and opens the gates of destructive criticisms without moderating the comments. I do have an issue with plus size women tearing down (I mean this) a woman who chooses to express herself with confidence and moxie.

These are a few of the comments that were left on the page:

“WTF is that hot mess wearing?! Oh no honey she looks like a freakin super hero but thanks for the laugh!!”

Anybody having a Willy Wonka flash back? “You’re turning violet, Violet!”

Nipple is supposed to be mid way between shoulder and elbow… Undergarments are failing in this outfit. Belt needs to be wayyyyy thicker it’s getting lost. And I think it’s important to honestly critique an outfit because we may be saving someone from making the same tragic mistakes! #operationsaveahoe

Moo

Ppl who dress like that are asking for negative comments.. She might as well wear a bikini

What can you expect from Jersey white trash whose fav show is Family Guy? The dress looks great

shes not gorgeous shes obese and incredibly unhealthy looking. Find me a doctor that will say shes healthy –being unhealthy isn’t being a good role model. I’m in no way thin but this is not good.

I do not know who to be madder at, Torrid or the women sharing these comments!

Everyone has the right to their opinion, yes- HOWEVER…

Torrid has some MAJOR responsibility in this as well, like I said, this is not the first time they have featured someone on their page and let the commenters go to task on the woman featured. I am all for sharing someone’s self expression, but to not check those women whose comments can be destructive and ugly? I do not get it. What if this woman was fragile and read the comments and was affected by this negatively? Bullies are bullies and fostering an environment to allow this kind of behavior is despicable. Plain and simple.

AND the fact that few of the commenters asked Torrid where their moderation was? All for some damned page hits and visits?

When.will.this.stop? While we cannot control those women who do not love themselves and project their own self loathing onto others, we can hold the companies accountable for fostering this type of environment for this.

Torrid. Get.it.Together.

AND on another note, Tiffany from On the Fatwalk and Tiffany from Fat Shop a Holic, keep working it out and doing your thing. I commend you for taking risks, playing with looks that express your personal style and bringing a uniqueness to plus size fashion.

**steps off my soapbox**

Please share your thoughts…  

***UPDATE***

Torrid issued an apology and adressed the issue:  

Ladies,

We regularly share and repost blog posts and pics of fabulous women wearing our clothes and accessories. We do this in order to show off our clothes on real women with a variety of styles and points of view. What is extremely disappointing to us is that some people take this as an opportunity to viciously tear other fashionistas apart. People are by all means entitled to their own fashion opinion, but personal attacks are not welcome on our social sites. Our Facebook page is meant to be a place to share and discover fashion.

Thank You,
The Torrid Team

Thank you again…

Marie Denee
I am the owner of the Curvy Fashionista, sharing the latest trends and designers in plus size fashion, beauty, and accessories to keep you Curvy.Confident.Chic.! I am goofy, silly, playful, and a handful... but it is all in the name of fashion!
Marie Denee
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Comments

  1. Love says

    I wish I could say that reading these posts on Torrid were the only time i’ve seen them.  It’s a shame as a woman, we can’t support women in general. 

  2. Diva0809 says

    I can not find one thing in your essay disagreeable. I applaud what you say and wish everyone would realize that none of us is perfect. We have all made fashion choices that may not get us on a “best dressed” list. My thought is, I wear what I want and you are free to do the same.

    • says

      RIGHT!!!! This angers me! BEYOND! How does bashing another woman BEYOND the constructive comments? How does this help ANY situation? The fact that this brand just sits idly by without saying anything? AND this has not happened just once? A serious problem! 

  3. MilaXX says

    I couldn’t care less about the trolls who posted, but I do agree that Torrid should be moderating their comments. These weren’t constructive crits, they were bashing comments pure and simple. I rarely post on Torrid’s FB so I wasn’t aware, that this is not just a one off occurrence Shame on them..

    • says

      Those women DO concern me. Because no one, asides from the other commenters are holding them accountable. The brand who see page it is should be saying something- otherwise it looks like endorsement. 

      • MilaXX says

        I see your point and I’m not completely disagreeing. My issue is that the brand should be held more accountable because by not monitoring/censoring those comments they are saying that this type of wank is allowable on their page. I’ve just long ago learned to ignore trolls. I realize there’s going to be someone who has something negative to say about me everyday of my life. They don’t live with me or pay my bills so I could care less & I refuse to validate their issues by getting upset over them.

        • says

          I admire you for your strength! I love the line too: “They don’t live with me or pay my bills so I could care less & I refuse to validate their issues by getting upset over them.” 

          Brava!

  4. Jessica Svoboda says

    Totally agree!  As a designer in the plus size world – I get exhausted dealing with this negative backlash all the time.  I have personally met Tiffany – I find her to be 1) beautiful, 2) an amazing make-up artist, 3) a great person, 4) totally stylish, 5) a fun, flirty fashion risk taker!  I think she looks amazing here, and on most posts on her blog!  

  5. Anonymous says

    This is such a great post Marie. Brands should make sure that they put a disclaimer on their FB page about not leaving distasteful, disparaging comments about readers pics. Product opinion is one thing, but making terrible comments about a readers’ style pic is just pathetic.

  6. Presher says

    Wow…this is very sad. I love Torrid stores and their brand, to think that they would stand for such hatred and cyber bullying is beyond me. SMH!

  7. says

    I love it– i love this post— I think in this case Torrid should have said something but then again we can not control the comments people make. I had to learn that everyone had a different way of dressing and that I should not enforce my styling rules on others. But I wonder, how can we tell someone if something doesn’t look nice on them?

    I certainly know  I would not use the language some of these women posted — they were absolutely rude and belittling.

  8. Gwen DeVoe says

    SMH…..but  not surprised.  As consumers with such incredible spending power, we should use this power to only support those brands who sincerely support us.  I doubt this can be considered an “error”.  We all monitor each others’ posts all day long so for this brand to deny they did not know about these posts is highly unlikely.  Shame, Shame, Shame.  This speaks LOADS!

    • says

      Hi Auntie!!!! 

      Shame is right! Hence my frustration and anger in this issue… especially as they have done this repeatedly! This is NOT a single occurrence and it is quite unfortunate… 

  9. Courtney from Torrid says

    Hello ladies, My name is Courtney and I manage Torrid’s Facebook
    account. We have many gorgeous girls and fabulous bloggers post their
    pics and features on our wall on a daily basis. I’ve reposted Tiffany
    before, and I reposted her in this instance because she looks fabulous.
    What is extremely unfortunate and what we’ve seen in the past is that there are women out there who make cruel and unfortunate comments about other women, not just disagreeing with the fashion choices, but by attacking them in any hurtful way they can.

    After I posted this particular post from Tiffany, I was extremely disappointed to see the garbage coming from some women. However, I was encouraged to see other women jump in to scold them and redirect the conversation about FASHION, which is the very point of featuring OOTDs and blog posts. That seemed more powerful and meaningful than us deleting the negative comments.

    What we’ve also seen is that deleting individual’s posts is tricky business. While we can delete a post, more often than not, that woman can simply repost more angrily and harshly then before. Obviously if this escalates we can always remove and block a particularly aggressive “troll,” but it’s a “slippery slope” type of situation.

    We debated internally about what to do about the post. It was suggested to delete it, but by doing that, the trolls win. Their cruel and ignorant comments would push a beautiful woman out of her spotlight that was intended to be positive and inspiring. We didn’t want to give them that power. 

    Admittedly, even though we didn’t delete the comments, a hands-off approach was not the way to handle this situation. We should have stepped in and reminded everyone that personal attacks were unacceptable and that it was meant to be a FASHION conversation.

    We’ve definitely learned a lesson from this experience. While we will continue to feature bloggers and user-submitted pics on our page, we will make much more of an effort to step in and redirect the fashion conversation when necessary.

    Sincerely,

    Courtney and The Torrid Team

    • Atchka says

      I’m copying this from what I posted on their FB page:

      Torrid, I disagree that you
      allowing hateful comments to stand so that women can defend themselves
      is the best approach. I was able to post my comment to that picture
      without “liking” Torrid. That means that any random troll can comment on
      any of your photos with minimal effort.
      I have fought with Facebook trolls in the past and if there’s one thing
      I’ve learned, there is no winning or losing with fat hating trolls.
      There is only attention and no attention. Some people get it, others
      don’t. But by leaving their hateful comments up and allowing your
      readers to respond only provokes trolls further and gives them a forum
      to spout their hatred. Why not make your Facebook page a closed
      forum where only those who actually Like Torrid can comment? And why
      not remove those who are intentionally provoking hatred and animosity,
      instead of letting fat women fend for themselves? Your customers face
      enough hatred and animosity in the real world. They don’t need to come
      to your Facebook page and read even more. Give your readers a safe
      space, moderate hatred.Peace,Shannon

    • Afrotitty says

      Wouldn’t it be AWESOME if Torrid asked bloggers permission to post their pictures? And if Torrid would be honest about why they post certain types of bodies/outfits? 

      • Courtney from Torrid says

        I’m not sure about the assumption about certain types of bodies/outfits you’re making, that we post them to get a rise out of people? That’s an untrue accusation and couldn’t be farther from the truth, whether I’m going to change your mind or not. We post a variety of styles and sizes when we feature bloggers, from 12 to 24. We post them to show our clothes on real women, on women with different styles and different points of view. We post them to facilitate a fashion conversation. Moreover, the bloggers we feature more often then not come to our page and post on their own. By reposting we give them and their blog the expanded audience that they’re seeking.

        • Afrotitty says

          I firmly believe that you/Torrid are using the images of fiercely styled bloggers who are bigger than a size 22, to boost your stats on FB. That is a common tactic in social media marketing and community management. 

          How do you spark conversation? By purposefully posting images that you know will rile people up in a way that is NOT about fashion and style or critique, but is about body shaming and smack-talking. You post to facilitate a fashion conversation. Really? I love critique and in-depth conversations of fashion and style, but I see very little facilitation on your FB page. Just a little, “This is a blogger. She got these pieces from us. Here is a link to buy these things. Oh, and feel free to dig at her for 204 comments.”

          I don’t believe that whoever is running the social media and PR for Torrid is a newbie. I think that it’s all very calculated. Shame for hiding behind the guise of “The Internet Is So New.”

          • Courtney from Torrid says

            As I said before, I don’t think I’m going to change your mind. You seem to have it already made up, but that doesn’t change the fact that our actions are NOT in any way intended to encourage hate and/or bashing. That accusation literally makes us sick to our stomach. We post to show off our clothes on these fabulous women. How does people telling her she looks terrible help us in any way? What is the value of 204 comments if they’re negative? As I said before, we were deeply disappointed by the response on this post and debated deleting it altogether. In the end, we decided that we didn’t want all of that negativity to take away from the fact that she was showing off her style and deserved a platform. Due to this blog post and prompting from our followers today, we have since gone back and removed the negative comments from the thread. Our biggest regret is not getting involved, but as illustrated in this conversation you can’t control what people think or what they have to say. We HAVE however learned from this experience, and will ramp up our moderation efforts, especially when it comes to featuring bloggers, in the future.

          • says

            Sooooo… here is what I think that we can do from here… We called them out on this and can only check out for them in the future to see the impact of these changes… On another note, I really thank you for sharing and visiting!!!!! 

        • Atchka says

          If that is the case, Courtney, then we will be watching to ensure that you don’t promote fat women in your clothes, only to leave them hanging when the trolls and haters come around.

          I am impressed with Torrid’s response in taking responsibility, but it will be your future action that determines whether you are being sincere.

          Peace,
          Shannon

    • Heather Kolaya-Spealman says

      Dear Courney from Torrid, you’re certainly right that a hand’s off approach was not the way to handle the situation. But simply redirecting the conversation barely counts as hands on. I realize that deleting comments can often be a “slippery slope”. I moderate a body acceptance forum myself and it can indeed be tricky to tell what comments warrant removal, however, it’s far better to get one or two angry posters who felt jilted by unwarranted removals than to have an innocent woman attacked repeatedly. It’s obvious that allowing that attack has damaged your brand name as this story is quickly making it’s way through the fatosphere, so even if it’s in your own self interest- delete those comments. I love your store and spend money there every month.. but I can find a new place to shop. 

      • says

        Thank you sooo much Heather for stopping by and offering sound words of advice and concern to Torrid… I believe through using our voice that we can affect change and reflection into the WHY of what we are doing… 

        What is the name of your forum that you moderate? 

    • Ashe @ Dramatis Personae says

      I will say, I’m glad to see Torrid comment on the site, and also proud that you admit you made a mistake and learned a lesson.  Few companies are willing to admit when something wasn’t handled well or got out of hand, and I do commend you for that.

    • says

      Hello Courtney and Torrid! 

      Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I am really grateful you saw the err in your ways and will refocus your efforts to engage your customers and fans. 

      It is a tricky thing in a social media world now and new parameters that we must take into account when it comes to bullying and downright hurtful comments. 

      What DOES concern me though is throughout all the comments and those who have spoken out against this monstrosity of comments- why did you NOT reply there? While I have a platform, I was fed up. And as an advocate for building the confidence in the plus size world, I applaud you for addressing me, but it bothers me that no action was taken at all on your facebook page. 

      If I had NOT written this post, this situation would have happened again, and again, and again… I think beyond the monitoring of the facebook page Torrid’s mission and social responsibility need to be reworked and addressed, because if my memory serves me right, THIS type of commenting was part of the reason why your forum was shut down… 

      I would love to talk more offline should you care to do so, but I do thank you for even leaving a reply and sharing your concern….  

      • Theresa Kennedy says

        unfortunately, this will not be stopped. In the past 10 minutes I have found over 300 sites dedicated to bashing fat men and women. All we can do as a fat community is not let the “haters” get to us. Show the world we are beautiful by interacting in the real world

    • Tiffany Kaelin says

      Courtney, 

      I made my comment, but just to reiterate: Yes, I feel like Torrid should have stepped in BUT in no way have I ever felt that you are posting my pictures to cause a stir.  I guess I really am just that confident.  I think you are taking a step in the right direction by posting pics of bigger girls so you can show plus size diversity and the promotion of size acceptance.  

      I also think that the girls rallying behind me was very important.  Again, this incident will not stop me and I plan on being featured on Torrid many many more times.  

      Tiff

      • says

        Tiffany, you *should* be that confident! You are gorgeous and bold, and, hopefully, totally troll-proof because of it. :) While appalled, as I am week in and week out, by the prevalence and ferocity of fat-haters, I have been very glad to see the Defenders of Tiffany and the “lesson learned” response of Torrid.

        Peace,
        -Jayne (Slow Fat Triathlete)

    • Ecogirlveghead says

      Don’t let bullies, cowards, or your fear of losing customers prevent you from doing what’s right – DELETE THOSE COMMENTS.  EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.  THEN BLOCK THE PERSON.  PERIOD. 

      Those negative comments hurt the person they are aimed at.  She will be more hurt by those insulting her than by the 100 other people supporting her – unfortunate, but that is the way our human emotions work.

  10. Domino Dollhouse says

    I found myself wondering the same thing! As a plus size designer, one who respects and loves her customers, I couldn’t imagine not stepping in and trying to maintain a safe space for fashion expression!  Everyone has their own style and isn’t necessarily going to love everything everyone does, but we can all be respectful and kind.  I’m SO glad you posted this…Tiffany is a friend of mine and it’s especially hard to see one of the kindest, most fantastic people I know get bashed for no good reason. Kudos!

    • says

      Thank you sooo much for stopping by! I could NOT agree MORE! This is what makes fashion amazing is the fact that one dress can create thousands of interpretations! Even I have a responsibility on my blog and facebook page to engage, correct, inform, monitor, share and enlighten people who share not so nice thoughts or perspectives… :) Thank you for leaving your kind words! 

      • Domino Dollhouse says

        Dominodollhouse.com, Sarah! Sorry Marie, not trying to sneak in and promote…feel free to remove this link if you’d like! <3

  11. Afrotitty says

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s obvious that Torrid is posting images that they think will spark more comments on their page. And I think that it is super intentional that they will post bloggers are who are a size 24/26+ and style their outfits creatively and with lots of style. They WANT (no matter what Courtney from Torrid says) people to boost their FB page stats by enabling body shame. 

    • Stefania says

      To be quite fair, Alt of women on the torrid facebook page are annoyed by the fact that they r using ”thinner” models. 

      So it does not seem so crazy to post the bloggers that are in a larger size range as women tend to say that they would like to see what it would look like on their body. Intentional or not I do not think Bullying is ok, but I do think that when you post yourself on a blog that their will always be unkind words from ppl, I think when you start a blog that you can always should except the fact you will have fans and haters.
      If you have something unkind to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all.. More ppl should take cue from Disney movies.. 

      • says

        I love your last line! I could not agree more with you! However, I do disagree with the fact that there will always be unkind words from people… I love disagreements on looks I  rock, because it fosters and builds UP rather than tear down a community… 

        I think through moderation and engagement you can create the voice, tone, and vibe of your readers and with that you have a fabulous dialogue of people who can help each other out! 

      • Theresa Kennedy says

        I disagree. Some of their models are size 24 or 26. Just look. They are wearing spanx girdles to have the clothes fit them in the most desireable manner. I know because I went to several of the model casting calls they have had in the past. By dissing Torrid for this, you are sorely mistaken. And people just are evil online.

    • says

      not only that (which is a super amazing point!!) but what better way to sell bullshit shaming clothing than to have your shoppers bully each other into following false fashion dictates? self loathers won’t have enough self worth to try shit on at another brand or realize that they can, simply, do better than the crap torrid puts out.

      • says

        I share this though to be a valuable lesson in the responsibility brands have to their readers… Do I have a few pieces from Torrid? I have two items… However, I felt that as a customer, they were telling me something different with not replying and the only way I could get them to listen (as they did not reply to other people’s comments) was to voice my concerns here… I just hope this is a lesson learned not only for them, but the other brands that read…. 

  12. says

    Why is it that adults can’t live by the rule if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing nice at all?!  I will never understand why women feel the need to tear each other down.  It takes great confidence and courage to share images of yourself with the world, whether it be on Facebook pages, websites, or personal blogs, and to tear down someone for having such courage, is ridiculous!  Even more ridiculous is the fact that Torrid did nothing to moderate these harsh words.  Companies need to take more responsibility for their website and page comments!

    • Ashe @ Dramatis Personae says

      “Why is it that adults can’t live by the rule if you have nothing nice to
      say, say nothing nice at all?!  I will never understand why women feel
      the need to tear each other down.”  — it all stems from jealousy! Instead of emulating brave women who love themselves, women try to tear each other down to encourage the self-loathing that so many feel.  It’s crap, I totally believe it.  But I’ve been there, and it’s a scary change to step away from!

  13. Maddy says

    Tiffany is FABULOUS! Just want to make sure I get that out first. :-)

    I can understand where Torrid is coming from by being confused about how to handle the situation because we are all still trying to figure social media out, and we want to be able to have open forums.  With this being said, when people attack on a personal level it takes it from constructive criticism to a personal tone and something no one should ever allow. 

    I’m sure Torrid is kicking themselves now about it, I’m sure it will never happen again. This is something we could all learn from. Thanks for posting Marie.

  14. Anonymous says

    I notice this on their website all the time and it pisses me all the way off! At first I thought maybe they are just trying to be fair, but after it happened time and time again, I realized that were just surfing for hits. Shame on them.

  15. says

    I totally agree – and it’s not just TORRID who ENABLE this garbage, but other plus size retailers! I’m looking at you, Evans and City Chic! Though I have to agree, on a social media point of view, is definitely a slippery slope – on the one hand by deleting these comments it’s censorship and they will argue, “Freedom of speech!” and on the other hand their putrid words may detrimentally affect a woman’s self esteem. 

    However, it doesn’t make it any more right that these people project their own insecurities and hateful views onto others. 

    I think repeat offenders (who constantly berate others) should be banned, imho. There needs to be a guideline or something that rudeness is not tolerated.

  16. says

    I posted a video about this topic already but I have to say Marie you really said what I wasnt able to! I’m shocked though, that my video with thousands of views and actually posted on Torrid’s facebook, didn’t prompt a reply….

  17. Anonymous says

    ” Bullies are bullies and fostering an environment to allow this kind of behavior is despicable. Plain and simple.”  This say it ALL!  If companies are going to use social media then it is very important that they be held accountable. 

  18. Curvysta says

    Amen…Amen…Amen!  I read the same blog and loved the fact that she loves her curves and wants to show them. The critics couldn’t handle her confidence.  They’ve succumbed to the straight size media expectations even if they pretend to be curvy divas.  Shame on them for being cyber bullies.

  19. says

    I am a social media marketer and I manage many Facebook pages. I can say from experience it’s hard to know when to step in and when to delete and block people. Courtney is right – oftentimes people who are censored (whether we feel it’s deserved or not) will find a way to write even nastier things on your wall. I don’t think Torrid should be bashed for this. The messages from Courtney show that they are seriously concerned about the issue. Yes – maybe they should have stepped in, but now they know and I doubt it will happen again. Social media is a very open medium and one that scares a lot of brands because of this exact problem. I think it’s important to give brands like Torrid your feedback without becoming hostile. It’s a learning experience for all of us.

    • says

      Hi JEN!!!! Thank you so much for visiting me! 

      I know to well as oftentimes I get the nasty comments on my wall or here on the blog… Understanding the censorship as well! I think what happened to be the issue here is that: 

      – The commenters called out for torrid to reply to no answer
      – This is NOT the first time that people went in nastily on bloggers and customers that they have featured… 

      This was the reason why I took to my blog. I had even in the past left comments calling out for torrid and defending the blogger who had been featured… I am sooo grateful and appreciative that Torrid did reply to me and the concerns I had. Even offering to discuss more about this (in the comment below). 

      I do hope this is a lesson not only for Torrid, but those other brands who read as engagement is key… 

      Thank you again Jen for stopping by! :) 

  20. says

    I’d also like to say that it pains me when women put each other down. In this case, it’s most likely a lack of self-esteem. They see something in another woman that they don’t like in themselves, so they say awful things. I love going up to random women on the street and telling them I like their outfit or shoes or whatever. I have enough confidence to lift others up and I love seeing others do the same. The snarky, nasty people (men included) are sad and weak, and I feel sorry for them.

  21. Tiffany Kaelin says

    Hey Everyone, 

    First, thank you Marie for posting this, although it isn’t my most preferable way of being on the curvy fashionista.  I am honored that this issue has caused awareness.  As always, I am completely ecstatic every time Torrid features me.  As a huge fan of torrid it really does make my day to be featured on their site.  However, through my recent posts on Torrid and Tumblr, you could see how clearly saddened I was about my fellow plus size gals ripping me to shreds.  While it is not the words that hurt me, it was the lack of self esteem and mean spiritedness that shocked and hurt me.  I was amazed at how fellow big girls could pick on my size on a plus size clothing store’s website!  I have stated many times, “how can we promote size acceptance when our kind is un-accepting?”

    Courtney, while I do agree that Torrid should have stepped in, I also think that by putting pictures of larger girls on your site you are helping promote size acceptance.  I am so grateful at all of the girls that have rallied behind me and I don’t intend on curbing or stopping my fashion risks or promoting big girl confidence at any point.  

    This event has only made me stronger and HUNGRIER to keep on doing what I am trying to do:

    Showing everyone that big is beautiful. 

    • says

      You almost brought tears to my eyes love! Thank you for taking the time to respond and I commend you for not lashing back out at them…. It took confidence and courage to do so! :) XOXOXOXo

  22. Jayde Ramos says

    It’s very sad. Actually, there are quite a few designers I had to unfriend because I can’t stand to read the nasty comments the women make. So sad.

  23. Gen321blog says

    WOW!!!! Just…………………WOW!  I sooooo do not like mean people!  Like you said, people have a right to their opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to express your opinion, especially if it is going to be hurtful or demeaning to someone.  I had to tell someone the other day, it took too long for me feel good about myself to allow another person to come along and try to impose their ideal of beauty on me.

    • says

      “it took too long for me feel good about myself to allow another person to come along and try to impose their ideal of beauty on me.” 
      Wow… I am happy that you now there!!!! Thank you so much for replying!!!

  24. Tara_x_2000 says

    none of those people bashed the lady wearing the clothes, they bashed that mess of an outfit. i am a fan of onthefatwalk and that girl is super cute, but that outfit was a severe problem, and the picture was WAY less than flattering.

    • says

      Actually Tara, calling someone MOO, or Willy Wonka, or saying that she is not gorgeous are what’s classified as personal attacks… So, while there were a few posts that did criticize the picture and shared that they did NOT like the look, there were quite a few who went IN on her and they have since deleted those posts as shared in the update… 

    • says

      Who is anyone to diss someone’s outfit? Why don’t people get this? It’s just sheer arrogance to assume it’s your god-given right to talk shit about her choices/camera angles/whatever, just because it’s a picture on the internet. 

  25. Anonymous says

    Nasty, mean, hurtful comments should inspire women of all shapes and sizes to stand up, speak out and love their bodies! Take the power away from the folks who find joy in being hurtful.

  26. Alana J. says

    Thank you for this blog post.  I’m so happy to see a company address this situation.  I’ve been sending emails to Lane Bryant regarding the bullying on their own facebook page to no avail so it makes me happy to see that Torrid is stepping up in such a way.  Thank you again.  Your blog was a real eye opener.

  27. Lisa says

    The woman in the blog post with the blue dress does she have a facebook? I actually love the blue and yellow. :D 

    Anyways I agree with you one hundred percent! It is sad that other plus women will do something so hateful and cruel and then think they are justified in doing so. Not only that but does saying that really make a person feel good? I feel good when I know someone on the other end is smiling. Like you said you never know with people. They could be fragile. You could be the make or break of someone. I go out of my way personally to say someone looks beautiful or compliment someone because I know that could be the trigger to keep them from making a giant mistake! 

    I think the blogger was and is beautiful and I hope they feature her again! :) I want to find her blog darn it! haha! 

  28. Sloane says

    I’m glad you said it. When people say that someone deserves harsh treatment because
    Of what they wear, it’s the same as saying a rape victim deserved getting assaulted because she decided to express herself and wear a short skirt. It’s the same internalized, self-abusing mentality that allows others to attack
    Us for our decisions and personal preferences. It’s one of those things that you learn over
    time because you stopped and questioned that mentality, but it’s also called being a kind and good person. The only reason people feel empowered to say hateful things like this is because 1. People allow it and 2. They have the security of anonymity that the Internet can offer. I hope these ladies/people feel ashamed, because they should. My general rule is if you wouldn’t do it I’m public/around others/around me….DON’T DO IT.

  29. honeygolightly says

    I work for a plus size retailer, and, regretfully, this happens in stores, in person.  I have no problem asking a customer to keep their negative comments at the door.  Insensitive people will walk by our store making cow sounds, laughing at our clothes, and have gone as far as throwing a hamburger at one of my employees. 
    It hurts me, my employees, and my customers. 

  30. honeygolightly says

    I work for a plus size retailer, and, regretfully, this happens in stores, in person.  I have no problem asking a customer to keep their negative comments at the door.  Insensitive people will walk by our store making cow sounds, laughing at our clothes, and have gone as far as throwing a hamburger at one of my employees. 
    It hurts me, my employees, and my customers. 

  31. says

    I agree with your point. There should definitely be some type of moderation, however I would like to point out that this woman is most likely not very fragile. She is a plus size model in the public eye. She knows shes going to face criticism and probably has a pretty thick skin to protect from those kinds of comments. Having said that, its most certainly not acceptable to make fun of her weight because she can take it.

    Last point: Those tights are absolutely hideous. 

    • says

      Hello there! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave some love! 

      I think the other issue here is that when people bash, its not only the blogger or woman featured being affected, but it can also be those who are reading the comments. And just because someone has a blog does not necessarily mean they are less adverse to criticisms… Thank you again for the comment! Much appreciated! 

  32. Vita745 says

    Plain and simple, Torrid should block the “trolls”, but they won’t because those trolls spend their money there too. I recently saw this one woman whose comments and posts all disappear simultaneously because she was trying to get people to shop at other plus size stores besides Torrid, so I know Torrid has it in them to remove people…but only if it hurts their business. What they don’t see is that these hate comments might inevitably hurt their business as well. I don’t have anything against Torrid, and it’s one of the only places I shop now, but this situation has made me rethink my loyalty, because if they care more about the money they get from awful people, I’m not sure I want to support that. We shall see what happens in the future. Also, I don’t agree with people saying Torrid should ask for consent before posting bloggers’ photos, because most bloggers are thrilled to see their photos highlighted on a company’s page…it gets them more subscribers and potentially opens the door for more opportunities. And lastly, I agree with another person’s comment about how if fans try to respond to the troll’s comment, it fuels the fire, because they just want attention. Everyone should just mark them as spam or report abuse to Facebook, while we wait for Torrid to moderate. Alrighty…that’s enough for now…lol.

  33. Christina says

    I don’t think Torrid is to blame. I mean, I could be biased because I love and work for Torrid, but you have to understand that one person is generally hired to run a Facebook page of a company…it’s quite possible this situation blew up in a matter of a few hours, if not minutes, and someone didn’t catch all the hateful comments until it was too late. They wanted to showcase someone’s awesome fashion pictures, and haters decided to be haters. 

    • Anonymous says

      The same thing happened to me and the hateful comments were left on outfits they posted of me months ago, so it’s been an issue. There has been plenty of time to address it. I have seen both Evans and Simply Be address it on their facebook pages, so there’s really no excuse. 

    • says

      Hi Christina…

      The reason why I went to task is because this issue has happened MULTIPLE times. Not a random one time situation… this is why I spoke up and I did not reply until a few days later to see if they were going to do anything about it. It is sad though that I had to write this on my blog in order for action to be taken, but I am grateful it brought to light some of the issues! :) 

  34. Theresa Kennedy says

    One thing: Don’t hate torrid. They have done nothing wrong. It is really hard to constantly monitor the comments and delete them all. The internet is full of jerks. People say things online that they would never say in person. NO AMOUNT OF ACTION WILL STOP JERKS FROM SAYING SOMETHING MEAN ON THE INTERNET ABOUT ANY SOCIAL GROUP! As a large woman (size 26 and loving it), I will never allow things said on the internet affect me. Fat bashing exists. We can do something about the real world problem, but not the internet. I put on my big girl panties and decided enough was enough. Don’t listen to the people who hate for stupid, illogical reasons. Be a big woman who proves yourself in the real world. Stop blaming everyone else and put on your big girl panties! (and if you are asking, I shop at torrid and plenty of other stores for clothes. I find them all equal. The employees at Torrid are awesome. They care. Stop looking for a scapegoat.

    • says

      For clarity’s sake, I do not hate Torrid, and even offered to chat with them more about this, sitting on my MBA in Marketing, Understanding a 360 perspective on this. 

      I did leave messages on previous posts where people bashed other bloggers and no reply was given, so naturally, I took to my blog. 

      What one point is that is missed here, is that while you are rocking out in the confidence corner- go you! Not every woman who is shopping Torrid, perusing their page, and THIS is what worries me. 

      Yes, it can be hard to police trolls, however by doing NOTHING is just as bad! This is where my concern lies… And in my post above, I also held those women who spewed their self loathing and projected it onto others… It is a social media world and this is why brands have adopted Facebook Commenting policies, hired social media managers, and have codes of conduct for its employees… 

      There is a social responsibility in an issue that is way bigger than you and I and we all play a role. I am just holding every player accountable.  

  35. Gabi says

    i’m super late but i just wanted to say thanks for bringing this issue to light! i’m happy torrid has taken responsibility and admitted their mistake. i’ve been featured on their page numerous times and always gotten negative comments, though i never realize it until another reader points it out. i can’t say it’s ever affected me to be honest, but it’s still saddened me that other women (especially other plus size women) tear each other down for what they choose to wear. i’ve even had them come to my blog after being seen on torrid’s page and leave nasty comments ON MY BLOG. who does that? LOL. anyway, kudos marie!

    xo
    gabi

  36. Gabi says

    i’m super late but i just wanted to say thanks for bringing this issue to light! i’m happy torrid has taken responsibility and admitted their mistake. i’ve been featured on their page numerous times and always gotten negative comments, though i never realize it until another reader points it out. i can’t say it’s ever affected me to be honest, but it’s still saddened me that other women (especially other plus size women) tear each other down for what they choose to wear. i’ve even had them come to my blog after being seen on torrid’s page and leave nasty comments ON MY BLOG. who does that? LOL. anyway, kudos marie!

    xo
    gabi

  37. Anonymous says

    Good for you Marie for saying something, for this lady for putting on the style (and Torrid for responding). I feel a little sad for these women-I don’t usually- I just feel they are doing to others what they do to themselves and what is done to them.

    Fat people like this really have to start waking up to the fact that if we continue this behaviour, no one will try to stop us. Without wishing to sound overly dramatic, we have to help and save ourselves or we will all sink.

  38. Chantel McFall says

    I’m so glad this was addressed and im happy to see Torrid respond. After they re-posted my picture and saw the negative comments I started reading the comments under other pictures and was so shocked by what I read and especially under Tiffany’s photo and vowed never to look at their Facebook page again! I still may not because unfortunately it wont stop. As you said some women hate themselves and project their own self hatred onto others.  I’m sure Torrid will do a better job of cleaning up the comments but people like that will exist forever. 

    • says

      True!!! 

      I am sorry that you had gone through this as well! You are sooo right, people like this will exist forever and Torrid making a step to monitor only affects change! :) Here’s to community! 

  39. Brikhouse2 says

    welcome to the world! it is like this. if she was that insecure and fragile she shouldnt have posted the pic in the first place. i am a bbw no doubt but i also live in reality. this is the freakin internet….dont act like u dont know this chit doesnt happen online. people with computer courage harp on soooo many different types of folks. yes i believe if no where else we should feel comfortable and free to express our selves it should be on a Torrid fb page, but u have to know there is haters EVERYWHERE. people get off on puttin others down, its a fact of life.

    • says

      Your original comment was never deleted… I am commenting here so you can see it. 
      I do commend your confidence! 

      Your reality, may not be everyone else’s reality and your struggles will not be the same as the next reader. There are a few things here you are assuming… 
      1. Tiffany is insecure
      2. Torrid is a place where we shop, support, and they dont have a responsibility in this

      Tiffany is bold and brazen with her style, but Torrid has been known to feature bloggers on their site sometimes w/o permission. 

      There are bloggers who have started blogging to figure themselves out, to build their confidence, and to grow as a person 

      Torrid is one of the places, because of trolls and mean spirited people that should have been monitoring their comments, because unfortunately- should anything have happened to someone through the internet type of bullying, they would have had some type of liability… 

      If we do not say something, change to how people shoot off on the internet would never happen… 

  40. says

    Wow its a good thing that you brought this to light. I must say that whole if you have nothing nice to say keep it to yourself has gone out the window. People don’t realize what they say can have some really horrible effects. If you don’t like something keep it moving don’t attack someone its not right

  41. Brikhouse2 says

    guess if one doesnt completely agree with this ur comment gets deleted. i wasnt disrespectful….but i guess ya’ll wanna live in a bubble. good luck

  42. says

    Thank you Marie for writing this. I worked for Torrid at a local mall in L.A and there were some things that I didn’t understand, but to have this happening on there facebook page is just a disgusting. I feel there is no true love from Torrid for plus size women. There needs to be a new direction in their goal of supporting plus size females as well as encouraging them.

  43. MilaXX says

    Wow, I am shocked to see this discussion still going on. I am not surprised at the nasty comments, I am a bit surprised that Torrid was (or appears) confused as to how to handle this. I’m not a blogger but I regularly read/comment on several blogs about fashion and pop culture. Pretty much all of them have the same basic rules of respect: Discuss the outfit, not the person, no personal attacks towards the person or other posters, violators will be deleted and/or banned. Some even pin or add that as a reminder on each post. I have no idea why Torrid can’t do that.
    Being a plus sized gal is challenging enough, dealing with hate from within the plus size community shouldn’t be yet another thing to deal with.

    • says

      I know! This discussion and issue hits home to soo many people! Thank you sooo much for continual support and love sis! I respect your thoughts and opinions too! ;) Great stuff! 

  44. Kara says

    I don’t understand why some of those women are a fan of Torrid if they have an issue with plus sizes? Torrid is a plus size designer, and if they are just “liking” the page to bash plus size women, they need to grow up. I can’t stand bullies, especially internet ones who hide behind their computer screen.

  45. says

    I know I’m pretty late to hop in the discussion, but there’s also the fact that there are people who are oversensitive and waiting to rip apart ANYONE with an opinion. I do not care if someone doesn’t like an outfit. But there are people who explain why they don’t like the outfit, be it unflattering, poor color combination, whatever. And yet, they are accused by some of disliking it because she is larger. I personally would critique an outfit regardless of who is wearing it be it a size 0 or 20. But while the fat-bashing needs to stop, I think the people who crave bashing those they assume to be fat-bashers also need to stop. It really doesn’t help the cause when everyone feels like they can’t say ANYTHING to a larger girl without having it misconstrued by someone else. So they keep their mouths shut, and then the curvy spectrum of women feel shunned because no one really speaks to them. I understand that not everyone will stop talking to anyone over a size 14, but I also understand that hyper-sensitivity is more detrimental than anything else.

    PS I love your blog ♥

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